Memoirs of the Lost Loser

Where your Loyalty Lies

"I'm sorry if I put you in a terrible danger, Phoebe and—" He eyed at your forearm and nodded on it, the one he punctured with his fingers, "And that too."

"Miche I don't regret saving you."

"I'm indebted to you, Phoebe. But I need to ask..."

"What is it, sir?"

"How did you come up with a plan before coming to find me?"

***

You froze. There was no excuse, no lies, no half-truths, no nothing. From the privacy of these curtains to the empty, silent corners of the ward, there was nothing to protect you from the rousing suspicion of the wounded soldier whom you could almost call a friend.

You tried to open your mouth to say something only to be superseded with blasts from outside.

"What was that?" You tried to sound alarmed, your neck craning left and right as if you weren't used to explosions yet. The consecutive noise alarmed the nurses, their feet scurried back and forth. The panicking whispers of the nurses pondered at the possibility of an evacuation.

"What was what?" Miche asked.

"The explosions," You answered, trying to buy more time to think of something palpable you could convince him with.

"Come on now, that happens every time." Miche chuckled to mask his disbelief and looked straight to your eyes once his dry, humorless laugh had come to pass. What irony this was, because silence used to be your mental hideout whenever you wanted to think. Now, silence only made it impossible to process things.

"There could be a breach in Hermina—"

"But you didn't plan this, did you?" He pressed on while restlessly retracting his form, only to lean closer to face you upfront.

You met his confrontation with silence. Miche tried to regulate his breathing, the noises beyond the curtains started to rile him up.

"If you didn't know what the titans are up to, you wouldn't come running with those injuries for me, Phoebe. Braun and that abnormal didn't seem to know you, but you know them." Miche cluttertalked, laying all evidence available from his memory.

"You knew what that abnormal wanted, and you gave it. What was that about? Did you give your gas tank to help me, or was it an excuse to give them what they wanted from us?"

"Of course I did that to protect you!" You hissed. You understood why Miche would think this way, but aren't your injuries enough to speak for itself?

"Then why aren't you telling us everything you know to help us win over this?"

You opened your mouth in an attempt to say something. Something, anything— y-you could distract him maybe? No, that obviously didn't work.

You could... you could tell a half truth? Leave out the stuff that'll make you suspicious or... or—

"For fuck's sake Phoebe, say something!" You flinched at the sharpness of Miche's threats, your instincts told you to back away and cower at the edge of your bed.

You cradled yourself. The pressure of his stare, the veins protruding at the back of his hands, and that hope in his eyes which said that he wanted you not to be the very enemy they should be fighting against.

"I don't know what to tell you Miche but I think my actions speak whom I'm siding with." You attempted to reciprocate his stare with equal intensity, yet you sounded like you shouldn't be believed with, at all.