i'm waking up
in the middle of the night
in a house so familiar
but which i've never seen
sort of a nightmare
sort of a daydream
everything is dark and quiet
and all i can do
is listen
for something i know is coming
expectation gets caught in my throat
and i choke on a scream
the sound of a knock
interrupts me
and a door knob appears in my hand
i open the door
to blistering cold
and old secrets
and my feet land
on piles of dust
or piles of snow
no windows in here
it smells musty and old
i feel something is wrong
terribly wrong
no need to look in my hand
to know the door handle's gone
i'm locked in the attic
of things stored away
these things they should remain
away
i'm afraid
they're not safe
not sane
they're supposed to remain
locked away
to eventually fade
out of sight
out of mind
so why am i here?
i try to wake up
i try to disappear
i'm stuck here
time doesn't move
the memories play
and i watch
because what have i to lose?
each thought is a punch
and how easily i bruise
my body is purple
and my face is blue
and it occurs to me
i come to realize soon
the lack of air
that fills the room
the tiny scream
still lodged in my throat
escapes like air in a popped balloon
i scream so loud
i know it's time to leave now
i sink down
into the snow
and it melts to water
and down, down i go
like water in a drain
i'm washed away
and i open my eyes
to a world full of grey
and my memory fades
once again it's today
i'm in my bed
morning light shines through
the crack in the curtains
the day once again new
to start all over
to go from grey to yellow to blue
then fade to black
and then im back
in a nightmare
in a daydream
here all the time it seems
