As a child
I was eager for the future
impatient
always running
never still
expectant
always expectant
and that's something you grow out of
eventually your running feet slow down
your itching want will soothe
and you'll learn to accept
and not expect
and so i wonder
if that is what it is
the remnants of a childhood still left to grow
that keeps me expecting
and wanting more
when i wake up on valentine's day
expecting a kiss
a "good morning babe"
but i don't get it
is the sting in my heart
just my immaturity
or is it because
you got up to leave
without saying a word
or looking at me
am i being dramatic
that's what you always say
sometimes you act like
i'm just in the way
and i just wonder
does everyone feel like that
is my wanting my fault
is my wanting bad
do you really love me
like you say you really do?
because i would never
want someone to do that to you
you wake up mad
get up and slam the door
i tried to say i love you
it doesn't matter anymore
is something keeping me here for a reason
do i have to stay
or can i really just leave
do i really have a say
or is all this an excuse
for me to use against you
because it seems like
i do want to leave
i've always wanted to leave
but i won't let me
and so i blame you
for just being you
you're not being malicious
you're just being you
and how can i sit here
and ask you to change
without reflecting first
with a straight face
maybe it is my immaturity
keeping me here
tying me down
keeping me still
maybe you're the victim
of a predator fighting with themself
i'm sorry for hurting you
for asking you to change yourself
i think i stay
because i don't want to hurt you
but what's hurting you more?
what will hurt me more?
can we pretend all our lives
or should we fight
the common enemy
ourselves
should we hurt each other
to help each other
do these thoughts go through your head
or are you oblivious
to all that is said
do i break up with you
do i let you hurt me too
will this be over soon
i don't know
i don't know that i'll ever know
