happily, i speak
letting the words i held in today
free
i ask about your day
with no reply
so i'll talk about mine
again, no reply
on your headset goes
laughing, talking to your friends
you start the simulator up
and our "conversation" ends
is there something wrong with me?
why am i okay with this
i let him stab me today
and bled out without so much as a kiss
i'm mad at you for leaving
you're mad a me for feeling
i mad at you for going away
"i'm not gone" is what you say
but you're in another world
you don't even look my way
and even though your life goes by
you just continue to play
i know you're running
from something that isn't me
i can't help but feel attacked
even though i know i shouldn't be
i make you out to be awful
like you're trying to be mean
but you have demons of your own
demons that attack you
just like me
i'm so selfish
unsympathetic
i asked for a kiss
you say "right after i do this"
but you always forget
and i take that as a threat
but you don't owe me anything
and i am making such a mess
and so i let go
and i crawl into bed
and i replay the words
over and over
in my head
and i make myself believe
that our love
is dead
and i make myself dream
that maybe
it's for the best
and then the headset comes off
and you're right next to me
and the love that i was craving
somehow is gone from me
and you try to give me a hug
and i can't help but resist
i get up and leave
for some reason pissed
i'm irrational
you can not make me believe
i believe what i want to believe
i believe you make me leave
but i did that on my own
and now you're alone in bed
and i'm tired
but i'm trying
to make you feel the dread
of falling asleep alone
like i do most nights
i know that i'm the hypocrite
that throws gasoline on all our fights
i'm sorry
but just for tonight
because tomorrow when you ignore me
these feelings will take flight
and there i am again
laying in a cold cold bed
waiting for a friend
to take me out of my head
waiting for a look
a smile directed my way
from the only friend i have
but your head it does not sway
you don't look back on me
the way you used to do
when i knew you loved me
when you knew i loved you too
your eyes stay forward
your attention on the game
and there i am again
dealing with my pain
alone
and the cycle starts again
i go
as soon as you're in bed
my revenge
for a love i feel is lost
and a love i willfully toss
to make you feel as cold as me
because i am
pitifully petty
