Hello, Ms.Jackson

replaceable

I just smacked Madelyn Jackson.

She tried to kiss me and I smacked her.

No I didn't.

I didn't smack her.

I full on back handed the bitch.

We were both stood frozen and I knew I needed to move to show I wasn't cowering to her. "Go back to your fiance and don't touch me" I told her then walked out and my heart was racing.

Why did I do that. I want to go back and hold her and tell her how sorry I am. I didn't mean to but it was happening so quickly what else could I have done?

Not hit her!

I need to apologize.

I need to hold her.

I need to keep walking away.

I need her.

I need to leave this place for good.

I need her.

I need to stop loving her.

I need her.

I need to leave so she can live her life and I can live mine.

I got back to my room and locked the door and sat down in front of it and a few minutes later I heard her walking down the hall so I froze and held my breath.

Her footsteps stopped right at my door and I didn't dare move. 

I heard her sitting down on the other side and I closed my eyes "Sam" she said quietly. "I know you there... Can you open the door please?"

I stayed quiet.

"If you're scared that I'm going to hit you I'm not. I don't want to hurt you ever. I deserved what happened in the kitchen and I'm sorry I did that, I'm so sorry Sam. Please don't leave. I want you to stay. I'll even step away and you can accept my sister if that's what it takes to keep you here. I'll do it. I'll sit back and you can marry my sister...as long as you stay here with me I don't want to see you leave again I am so tired of seeing you walk away from me. You have an amazing ass but I'd prefer to never see it if it means having to watch you walk away" she joked a bit. "Please Sam. Please open the door and tell me you don't hate me. Tell me you won't leave me again. Please"

I need to leave. Nothing's going to get better like this. I came back willing to love her but someone else already took my spot.

I'm replaceable.

I've been told my whole life that I'm replaceable and I didn't care when they did replace me. I was fine with it but this... I wish I wasn't replaceable I wish that she didn't move on and replace me I wish I could bring myself to open this door and pull her into me I wish I would hold her I wish she'd hold me I wish- ... I wish I was unreplaceable.

A tear fell from my eye and a sob followed and I tried to stay quiet because I knew she heard it but it just broke out of me.

"Sam open the door"

"Sam please open the door. Either open the door or move away from it because I'm coming in either way"

"No. Madelyn please just go" I cried.

"Let me in Sam please"

"No"

"I'm not leaving with you crying like this open the fucking door so I can hold you please"

"No" though it does sound nice.

"What's going on?" Evelyn asked coming out of her room and into the hallway. "Sam? Are you okay"