Redemption and Scars (A tale of Anidita)

Chapter Twenty Nine

Chorui Bhati

Bondita was picking up the clothes to wear for the outing today. The previous night, she had fallen asleep way before Anirudh had come into the room.

The last few days were suddenly making her feel tired like never before.

All the events that had transpired about her father's will and the following revelations were making her feel cruel about herself. She wasn't happy about the home, money, or anything else at this moment. She would have exchanged all of it in favor of her father being alive.

Bondita had cried years for her father. For his guidance, for his support in this cruel world. She had spent days remembering him and then crying into her pillow because, he wasn't here for her anymore. She felt as if her ability to feel was numb.

It had gone far away from her.

When she read the letter, she wanted to cry loudly and bitterly about the injustices she had faced. She wanted to complain to that letter as if it was the reincarnation of her father. She wanted to complain about her life, the hell she had been through.

She wanted to complain about her relative's cruelties after his death. She Wanted to complain about them being responsible for almost burning her alive for a little bit of money.

She wanted to cry about Heera Mandi. Now that she was older and understood relationships and bodily functions in a better way, she saw the phrase of Heera Mandi in a new light.

She was glad that she wasn't older at that time. She felt relieved, she didn't need to go through the cruelties her Rasiya didi had gone through. She now understood, why her didi used to go out for entertaining others and why she used to cry after coming back.

She now understands the reason behind their bruises and busted lips and their tears.

She now understands the reality of that dark alley in a better way. There were days, her nightmares would feature Heera Mandi and Tara Bai. She would shiver in fear about the dark thought of Anirudh not coming for her.

She now understood that engagement of his properly. She in a way blamed herself for coming back and disturbing his life once again. Her mind always conjured new blames for her by twisting situations that only further deteriorated her marriage.

Manorama's letter to Bondita was another trigger for her. For the first time, she had become emotional after seeing the contents of the letter. But when she had read that letter during his absence, she had seen it in a new light.

She felt as if Manorama was happy to share Anirudh's love for her to Bondita.

Manorama's words only reminded Bondita about the writings of Anirudh's diary.

The letter had made her have nightmares of Manorama and Anirudh having a better life together with her crying away in Dalhousie.

She hated her for resorting to marriage with Anirudh to fulfill her goals. She had developed a strong dislike for her liaison with a married man. She even had nightmares of them coming closer to each other.

She used to blame herself fiercely after those nightmares.

What she didn't know was, Anirudh's nightmares featured the same thing as well. They were days, he woke up with a fear that Bondita was back in Heera Mandi.

That those monsters hadn't spared her in their lust and deviousness. Those nights of his would be accompanied by sleeping pills. His soul would shiver those nights imagining his 'little Bondita' crying for her patibabu.

There would be days, he would wake up fearing that Bondita had left him after his second marriage. He knew her determination to leave back then. She had given up after his acts with her for her 'Ujjwal Bhavishya' (Bright Future).