IT ALL STARTED ON SET - Sadie Sink Female x female

eat

EAT - part 13

your POV

i woke up, got ready and went to the studio. i was so down. everything came out of me at once. i hate my life.
"hey." i said while i walked in. i dont say anything else.
"y/n." sadie run up to me.
"hey sadie." she hugged me.
"you okay? you look tired.
"im fine, dont worry." i smile.

we filmed, i was silent in the breaks. i was done by 2pm and i left the studio as soon as i could.
i went home and i slept through the day. i woke up at 9pm. 10 missed calls from pressley, 7 from grace and 5 from the group chat with press and grace, and another 6 from sadie, 2 from millie. and a LOT are you okay messages.
damn.

i called back the group chat.
"i am fine i was sleeping."
"are you sure?" grace asked.
"yes i am sorry for scaring you i am okay i havent slept tonight so."
"okay, but tell us if something is wrong please."
"okay i will! gotta go eat dinner. love yall"
i hang up.
i texted millie and sadie too.

i go downstairs to check what my dad is doing. he is watching tv.
"hey y/n, are you okay?" he asked.
"yes, what are you watching." i dont want him to say anything about my mental health. i am okay. thats it. no 'why are you asking' or anything. no.
"i wanted to talk to you."
nevermind i guess.
"yes?"
"the duffers called me today." shit. shit.
"dad."
"no y/n. you are not doing this again okay? i cant see you doing this to yourself again until something happens. again." he was holding back his tears.
"dad it was some messed up camera thing i am okay."
"i am not an idiot y/n, i am not blind ok? i can see it with my own eyes." he stopped. "dinner is ready."
no.
"i am not hungry."
"i dont care y/n. i dont care."
"dad please-"
"no please y/n. you are not going to do this again i cant do this again." he looked into my eyes, he was mad but still calm. he took a deep breath. "you are eating this or im calling the ambulance."

he stood up and walked in to the kitchen, grapped a plate full with food and bring it to me.
"dad no." i cried.
"y/n please." he started tearing up. "please." and his voice cracked. well fuck.
he grapped the fork and moved it to my mouth.
"no." i whispered.
he was looking at me. he was so, broken.
i ate, for him. and another one. and another one.
"it was enough." i stood up. "sorry dad i cant do this."
"sit down right now" he said.
"no i cant i am not doing this."
"sit down and eat it or y/n i wasnt joking before." he said as he searched for his phone.
i ate it, then we fighted a bit more then i run up to my room.

i was crying. i am so done with everything.
i wanna be dead. my thoughts were so loud.
i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die.
then my phone rang.
sadie.

i ignored. i dont care anymore. i give up i cant do this.
i cried for another 20 minutes. saide was calling me in every 3 minutes. like she knows or something.

its 2am. i am in my room, calmer then before but still crying in every half hour. my eyes are puffy and red. my thoughts is full with the ways i could kill myself rn. its not just because i ate, its because i hate everything around me.
i am disgusted of myself. my dad is mad at me. my mom hates me. i hate myself too.

and my phone was ringing again. sadie. ignored it again.

i put on a hoodie and walked downstairs. it was quite. i opened the door and i started walking. i had no idea where am i going i just walked. i needed to clear my head.
i couldnt stop crying so i think its gonna help.
i was walking in the street where sadie lives, i was almost in front of her house. then the door opened there. sadie.
she looked at me, trying to recognize who am i.
i started running to her, crying.

"y/n?"
i ran into her arms. she hugged me tightly.
"y/n whats up?" she asked worriedly.
i was crying so hard, i couldnt say anything.
"y/n?"
"i cant, i cant do this." i collapsed in her arms.
we sat down to the ground, in front of her house.
"y/n calm down okay? i cant understand you." she said.
"i cant do this sadie. i am fucking tired." i cried.
she hugged me. "i cant do this."
"what happened?"
"i cant do this." i repeated myself.
"its okay y/n, everything is going to be okay."
when i wasnt crying that hard i started explaining it to her.

"i am fucking fucked up sadie." nvm i am crying asf again. "my dad never fights with me, he is a calm person, but just if its something really bad and so we fought today. he is fucking mad at me, my mom is fucking hates me and you know what? i fucking hate myself too." i let it out.
"y/n."
"when the duffers made the filming stop, when i had to go the cameras while everyone including you was waiting, you know what i am talking about right?"
"yes."
"i am not gonna lie, i lost a lot of weight since we started filming and camera shows it. they noticed and talked to my dad about it. he made me eat and-" i was still crying. "my dad started crying sadie. so did pressley. i messed up everything. i fucking hate myself for everything."
"y/n stop it, you didnt messed up anything."
"i was here before, i was in the hospital for being severely underweight. they diagnosed me with anorexia, later depression. i was in recovery then i failed it and relapsed with it. i cant do this again." poor sadie just walked out of her house at 2am. i dont think she was expecting this.
"y/n."
"sadie. i dont wanna do this anymore, i hate myself for who i am." i cried.
"your not a bad person y/n." we were sitting and cuddling in front of her house. then she broke the silence of my kinda calmly crying.
"maybe not the right time but, what happened between you and your mom?"
"long story short, we never really had a good relationship and when i came out to my parents, she started yelling, telling me how disgusting i am etc. my dad immediately packed our things and we moved in to a apartment till we didnt find a house cuz that was her last straw with him. my mom blocked me from social media and everything."
"oh my gosh, i am so sorry. "she sighed. "so this is why you have trouble with accepting yourself for being who you are." she said softly. looking in to my eyes. "i love that you are gay." she smiled. "i love everything about you."
i said nothing. i was just starting at her with a soft sobbing smile, once looking in her eyes, once at her lips. flirty mental breakdown i guess.

she moved her head slowly closer to mine, our lips were an inch apart.
"i love you too sadie."

then she kissed me.