IT ALL STARTED ON SET - Sadie Sink Female x female

eat y/n

EAT Y/N - part 43

your POV - tw? (mentions of VERY low amount of daily taken calories)

today sadies family coming over to dinner. i am very nervous. i dont know, life just dont lifeing right, right now. anyways, tomorrow i have filming at 12am, sadie has filming at 10am. we wont sleep at each other's tho, everyone is staying home tonight.

its 4.30pm i am phone calling sadie rn.
"baby, did you ate anything today? you wake up really late!"
"yes, i ate lunch." i didnt lie. i ate owen baked sweet potatoes.
"are you lying? what did you eat?"
"sweet potatoes."
"thats it y/n?"
"i woke up 2 hours ago, i had to work on school, learn scripts and i have also talked with grace a bit! i didnt had the time for this, and if i even did i wasnt hungry sadie."
"you cant sleep in anymore! sorry for saying this but your eating is already messed up baby."
"wont happen again."
"okay we will talk about it later okay? ill come over a bit earlier than my family."
"im fine sade."
"i said we will talk about it later."
we were in silence for a bit, then i skipped the subject. we hang up like 20 minutes later and i went to get ready.

first i peed, then undressed, checked myself in the mirror then weighted myself. maybe shes right, the number is low but i dont see that number on me when i look in the mirror. fuck it.
i showered then i made my make up and i put on a sweatpants and a crop top.

i checked my phone, only noah and sadie missed me. noah was asking if i was free tomorrow lunchtime because he has to go to the mall, but i wasnt free so he has to find someone else. sadie was asking if ive seen her blue hoodie. i did, i was sleeping in that.

later i helped my dad get ready for dinner. i tidied my room because i am sure they will look around the house. special jacey, she wanted to hang out in my room so.

"heeey, i am going to leave right now, can i come over earlier then?" sadie said as i picked up the phone.
"uh yes, but you really dont have to baby. you can come with your family "
"i want to, i just left the house, ill be there in 5 mins love ya." and she hang up. so i am going to mentally prepare myself for this talk. i really hope we will just drop the whole thing and make out in my bed.

"come in!" i heard after a knock. i already know this is sadies knock.
"heeey." she jumped in my bed and layed on me. "i brought you the shirt you wanted a few days ago but it was in the washing machine, now its in my bag and i wont get up right now. you are too comfy."
"aaa thank you!" i kissed around her whole face.
"so okay y/n, lets talk about something else." she sat up in my lap. "we wont ignore why i am really here. by the way you are really pretty." she randomly complained.
"thank you, but i hoped that we will just stay in bed and make out til your family is here." i placed my hands on her hips.
"no, this is serious." she said with a straight face.
"if this is really what you want to hear baby, i did eat! ask my dad."
"i believe you its not that. you dont eat enough, you are in those really deep depressive episodes again and i dont know what to do to make you feel better!"
"i am okay."
"stop fucking saying this y/n." she looked in my eyes "can you stop lying to me! i tell you when i feel down, you shouldnt feel that you cant tell me." i looked in her eyes regretting my whole life. "baby, i dont want to lose you." she teared up. "i cant lose you okay? i want you to be happy please tell me how to help you."
"i am sorry." my voice craked.
"y/n, when was the last time you ate at least one normal amount of food in a day?"
"i-, uh"
"you have to trust me. i wont tell anyone everything whats going on between us is stays here."
"i trust you, you know that."
"then please y/n answer me." she cried and leaned forward as she burried her face in my chest. "please baby its for your own, i wont judge you or anything."
"why is it so important?"
"because i have to know y/n, i want to know how physically bad it is, like that bad as i think? i know its nearly killing you, and i know you think you are not sick enough but you are more sick than enough." she looked at me hoping i understands what she wants to say. "i do have to warn your dad that its that bad, no matter if you tell me or not."
"you cant sadie please dont tell anyone, please dont sadie." i cried.
"what did you eat in the last 3 days?" she whispered.
"i dont remember."
"i know you write it down somewhere i am not stupid baby, tell me what did you eat in the last 3 days. and dont lie."
i looked in her eyes and started crying even more. "well when i was with you, you saw what i eat-"
"that was all you ate in that few days? why the fuck didnt i asked you? o-"
"its not your fault sadie."
"and the other day when you were alone?"
"around *very low amount of cals, i won't write numbers* cals." i whispered.
"*very low amount of cals, i won't write numbers*?" she teared up again. "do you know how not enough is that?"
"sade."
"y/n." at this point we were standing in my room, why were we standing? i don't know. "u have to eat more baby, i am not gonna let you eat like this okay i dont care if we fight everyday, if you get tired of me-"
"i wont get tired of you."
"or if we cry everyday, or if i have to come just for a hour til we eat. i would do anything okay? this is not going to happen like how you want this to happen baby."
"i cant do this on my own."
"you are not on your own, i am here, your dad, your cousin and best friend are also here."
"no sadie, you do't understand. i cant do this like this. i am unable to do this. i cant eat more than *very low amount of cals, i won't write numbers*. i literally cant okay? not physically and mentally."
"than why did you lied to your therapist?"
our voice werent that low anymore. we werent yelling but we werent talking in a normal tone either.
"you are really sick y/n, please listen to me!"
"because i dont want help!"
"if you continue doing this you will die in a months!" she teared up.

but ouch. the truth hurts more from her mouth than anyone elses.
i looked at her with a mad face, tears falling down on my cheeks and i am heavy breathing.
"you know, i wish i was already dead!" i didnt think before saying this, but i said so there is no back.
i wanted to leave the room but sadie slightly grabbed my wrist. "dont leave the room." she said with a normal tone again.
we were just looking at each other eyes.
"i am sorry, i am really sorr- no baby dont cry." i just realized what just happened.
i wrapped my arms around her neck, she wrapped hers around my waist and buried her face into my shoulder as she cried.

really cried.

then her phone ringing interrupted us. she was still crying so i picked it up. "hey sadie is in the toilet, its y/n. ...haha ... yes, okay ... anytime! ... okaaay, byee."
"they are here in any minutes right?"
"yes, in 15 minutes actually." i looked at her as i wiped away her tears. "i really love you sadie."
"i love you too y/n."

we started getting ready for the dinner again. we both cried away our makeup, not like it was something big ass make up tho.

the food was korean styled. there were homemade sushi, pho soup, spring rolls and things like that. it was good.