Rekindled | ✓

Chapter 7. "Sober Up"

🎶 Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, Rolling in the Deep & Milne Hai Mujhse Aayi

Published on 05.10.2022

❝ jaane kyu mai sochta hu,
khali sa mai ik raasta hu,
tune mujhe kahi kho diya hai,
ya mai kahi khud laapata hu. ❞

🥀

"I'm sorry for lashing at you yesterday." Inaaya says after they leave the building premises.

She needed to break the silence. She needed to get her mind off Ayansh whose heartbroken face was already haunting her and hurting her. She couldn't let him occupy her thoughts, especially not when she's with Josh. That would be ridiculous and so so wrong.

"It's okay, gorgeous." He says smilingly and squeezes his hand appreciatively and smiles back. She wasn't a fan of the endearment "gorgeous" he used for her often but it wasn't doing any harm so she never said anything. He liked calling her that and she could adjust with that. "I should've been more considerate perhaps. The last few days have been quite hectic and stressful for you and I just acted recklessly. You don't have to feel sorry. No harm done." He throws a wink in her direction and she shakes her head as they walk to her place.

She didn't actually feel sorry for snapping at him, irrespective of the fact that she might have overdone it. But she was aware she probably should feel sorry for snapping at her boyfriend when he just wanted to ask about her well-being so she apologized because that was the right thing to do in the normally accepted opinion.

Ayansh stood quietly, watching her go far from his sight and then realising she wasn't going to come back. He forces his legs to take him to his car.

It's weird how something that we expected, that we anticipated still manages to elicit a response that we didn't think about. Pain was too less a word to describe what Ayansh felt at the moment.

“What is life if not a mess?
What is joy if not a phase?
What is career if not a stress?
What is love if not a regret?

PS - lol I'm so random.”

These lines were written on one of the page of the diary. Everytime he used to stumble upon them, it made him chuckle. But right now, the words felt scary than any other thing. He was alone in the car. He didn't bring his driver with him today. The words in the silence of the void, questioned him, challenged him, mocked him.

Ayansh let out a shaky exhale and leaned his head back, his eyes teary. "No," he whispered to himself as the moment of Josh kissing Inaaya's temple flashed in front of his eyes and another sharp pang of pain shot up, making it a helpless struggle to even breathe.

It was the first time he realised how much of an impact two years can have. He had imagined it, assumed it but to actually witness it was way harder and devastating. Whilst he spent the two years rebuilding himself, gathering courage, being patient, giving her space and time yet keeping her closest to his heart, she probably had moved on. He didn't hate her for it. How could he hate her when he knew it would be selfish to expect her to wait for him as if she owes him something, as if he deserves that.

But damn it, because it hurt!

How can you live, how can you continue when a major part of your soul is with someone else? He didn't know how much of this he could take. Suddenly, the two years he had spent without her, with just her memories, hanging onto a hope which never existed seemed better than seeing her in front of him but not with him. She seemed so unreachable that he actually felt like a wrecked dreamer trying to reach for the sun. He needed to numb the burn, he need to sedate the pain.