Rekindled | ✓

Chapter 34. Her Diary

🎶 Us - James Bay

Published on 04.02.2023

❝ can we make it better?
'cause im losing hope.
tell me how to be in this world,
tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt. ❞

🥀

The mind was a tricky place to be in and yet Inaaya found the most comfort in it. She spent the rest of the day in her own head, too drained to even look at anyone or talk to them. Her heart beat in faint, dull beats as his grief stricken face kept flashing in front of his eyes, making anguish to coil around her like an invisible rope. She waited for everyone to leave so she could approach Ayansh.

She didn't intend to hurt him, especially not by making him feel as if he was the problem because he wasn't. It was her. And she didn't know how could she explain her reactions to Ayansh when she didn't understand it herself. It was an impulse, like her body and mind working on instincts rather than rationality and logics. At this point, she didn't even understand what was she running away from, she just did.

Inaaya went to the fourth floor and disappointment greeted her when she found the floor empty, Ayansh's office locked. She gritted her teeth and made her way to the elevator. She had messaged him earlier that she needed to talk to him but it seemed he didn't share her sentiments and honestly, she couldn't blame him for that. The elevator chimed as it opened on the floor above, his penthouse ahead.

She pressed the doorbell and waited for a response. The door opened after a few seconds to reveal Ayansh with his tie loosened, shirt half untucked from his pants and hair tousled. Inaaya raked an eye over his appearance before meeting his gaze back.

"I want to talk to you," she said in a clipped tone.

"And I don't." He responded nonchalantly.

Inaaya sighed. "You're mad at me."

"I'm not."

Her gaze hardened. "You're mad at me," she repeated more assertively.

"I'm not, Inaaya!" He snapped and instantly regretted, clenching and unclenching his fists as she watched him in distraught. "I'm not mad at you," his voice shook slightly and she swallowed inaudibly. "I'm just," he paused and breathed in. "I'm just frustrated. At myself." He murmured and then, chuckled making her forehead crease. "I wish I could be mad at you. It would've been so much easier then."

She looked away, behind him, another fresh pang of pain pricking at her heart. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Ayansh pinched the bridge of his nose. "Come inside."

Without any protest, she walked in and he closed the door before falling behind her. She stood awkwardly after a few steps and he quietly shook his head before bringing a chair and asking her to sit down. She followed.

"Aren't you going to sit?" She asked when she found him standing in front of her and she would be lying if she said she didn't feel a little intimidated by that.

"I don't want to." He replied casually and crossed his arms, tilting his face to a side and looking at her with an empty emotion.

"I had messaged you." She said, fidgeting with her fingers, her tone carrying a hint of accusation.

"I saw it."