My Lifeline - Jaywon Shortstories

Truth

"Mom?" asked Jay as he heard her opening the front door.
"Hi sweetie!" she greeted. "Brought you the honey you like."

That couldn't be more perfect.

The young man walked down the stairs until he reached the ground floor. The front door was to his right and he could see his mother taking her shoes off and putting on her favorite sleepers.

"How was your day?" she asked, a gentle smile on her lips.

Jay's throat was so dry that it hurt him.
He had practiced this moment in his head for a long time, and now that the moment had come, he was stressed.

A thousand thoughts ran wild in his head, but he forced himself to answer.

"It was good, how about yours?" he asked back, helping her with the bag full of groceries.
"Very busy" she replied. "Had a yoga class in the morning, then I cooked and this afternoon I visited grandma. Finally, I went to the grocery store."
"That's.. uh.. cool" replied Jay.

They were now in the kitchen, pantries opened as they placed the newly bought goods where they belonged.

"Jay, is everything okay?" she asked, a worried expression on her face.
"Is it okay if we talked for a bit?" asked Jay.

Her gaze met his and she instantly nodded, passing an arm around his shoulders and inviting him to sit down at the kitchen table, grocery bag still half full on the counter.

"You're making me a little worried, I have to admit" she said softly. "Whatever it is, you know you can trust me, right?"

I'm not so sure about that....

Jay took a very deep breath before speaking. He wished he could have shown a calm and relaxed voice, but it came out filled with emotions and it cracked a lot.

"Well, it's.. uh.. it's about me" he started, not knowing if it would work.

She nodded calmly, taking his hands in hers as a sign of encouragement.

"There is something you don't know about me" he continued, not daring looking at her. "Something I wasn't sure I needed to hide or expose. Something that kind of scared me my whole life."

He paused, closed his eyes as a failed attempt to chase the tears in his eyes.

"I.. I think I like boys" he said, as fast as he could.

The bandaid had been ripped, but Jay didn't know yet how much pain it would produce.

Jay felt one of his mother's hands leave his own, and soon her fingers were on his chin.
She guided him until they were looking into each other's eyes again.

"This is not okay" she said calmly.

Jay felt his heart sinking. He knew he should have been more prepared to this outcome.

"The fact that you weren't sure if you had to hide yourself is not okay" she added.

Jay frowned, unsure it was his imagination talking.

"Jay, you should never be scared about who you are" she added softly. "The very fact that you felt the need to announce it to me hurts me."

"We live in a society that makes non-heterosexual people feel like they have to "come out", as if they weren't a norm" she added. "Jay, you are Jay. Your sexual preference is a part of yourself and it's not something to be scared of."

Jay felt the tears running down his cheeks, and saw the same happening to his mother.

"I never want to see you this stressed about that again" she whispered. "But I also know that you needed to tell me, and I'm very proud that you gathered the courage to do it."

Jay nodded, unable to do anything else. Too much was happening and he couldn't process it right now.
She knew that and stood up to hug him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before" said Jay, sobbing.
"No, don't say that. You did it on your own time. I'm the one who is sorry you had to endure all of this doubts and questions by yourself. I'm the one sorry to have brought you to this earth when so much injustice still happens. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from them" she said. "Please know that you did well. I couldn't be more proud of you."

Jay hugged his mother tighter, not believing his luck.

"I love you for exactly who you are Jay, and I always will" she whispered in his ear.

~

This chapter is a love letter to my family, with whom I did not once need to come out. I simply started saying "if I get a boyfriend or girlfriend" instead of just "boyfriend".

They have never questioned me, nor treated me differently, and I know I am blessed to be in that situation.

But I also know a lot of you haven't experienced that.

To all of my readers, whatever your gender or sexual preferences are, please know that I love you and that you will always be welcomed and nurtured in here.

For those who can't share who they are with  their families or friends, know that it's okay. Sometimes, choosing to protect yourself is more important than exposing oneself to pain.
However if you decide you want to tell someone, share it with the ones who deserve to be with you, even if sometimes it doesn't mean family.
Just remember that sharing about your personal life is a CHOICE, and you shouldn't feel pressured about doing that if you don't want to/aren't ready to.

And know that you can always write to me if you want to.

Always be proud of you who are💕

Love, your big sis AuthorNim