NO SHAME

XXXVIII

Luke and I skipped all of the plans we had made for after the meeting and went straight home. I called Calum on the way back like I had said I would and he said that I was welcome to stay as long as I liked. We decided to give it two days before we started the process of the fake break up.

    So, two days later, I sat next to Luke on his couch as he archived the photos of us he had posted on his instagram, and removed the highlight he made for us.

    Luke was dropping me off at Calum's house later, and our fake breakup would officially begin. We didn't want to do anything too drastic, neither of us wanting any drama associated with us. Plus, if permitted, later on it would be more believable for us to 'get back together' if the breakup looked like it was mutual.

    I was completely going to ignore Mark asking me to avoid the rest of the band, though, because they were my best friends, and no way was I dragging them into this dumpster fire.

    Not being with Luke all the time was going to be weird and certainly take getting use to, but he was still allowed to visit Calum, so I'd get to see him then, and when the rest of the band got together, we just couldn't show any PDA, and had to keep everything private. The hardest part was going to be staying out of the media and away from paparazzi.

    Luke walked me into Calum's house, and waited until the door was shut before he pulled me into a hug and gave me a gentle kiss.

    "I'll call you later, okay?" He whispered as we pulled apart.

    "Okay. Try not to miss me too much," I teased.

    "No promises, I already miss you," Luke joked back.

    The truth was neither of us wanted this, and even our friends agreed that Mark was being ridiculous. I was going to miss having Luke with me, and being allowed to hold his hand in public or even hug him, but if I wanted to keep my job, I had to do this.

    "I love you," Luke whispered.

    "I love you more," I whispered back.

    Luke walked out the door and I wrapped my arms around Calum in an attempt to comfort myself.

    "It'll be okay, Aspen. It's not like the two of you are actually breaking up. Plus, eventually everything will go back to normal, I promise," Calum said to me as his arms wrapped around my back.

    "I know, I just hate that we don't even have a choice," I replied.

    "Technically if you quit your job you wouldn't have to listen to him, but yeah."

    "I just can't afford to quit my job right now, not after the accident and the hospital stay and everything."

    "I get it, I'm sure you and Luke will work everything out. Just remember this isn't the end of the world and the two of you can still see each other, even if it's not public."

-

    "Good morning, love," Luke's groggy voice said over the phone a few mornings after I moved into Calum's.

    "Good morning, Pretty Boy," I greeted Luke.

    "What are you up to today?"

    "I have to work today, but that's really it. Me and Cal might go out to dinner later or something."

    "Cal said he's gonna invite us over soon, so I'll get to see you whenever he invites us over."

    "I miss you," I whispered, sadness heavy in my voice.

    "I miss you too, but we're trying to work something out. I promise, we'll fix everything," Luke assured me.

    "What idiotic plan are you dumbasses trying to pull of, I swear to god if you get me fired, Luke."

    "You're not going to get fired, don't worry. And I'll tell you everything when we have it all worked out, for now don't worry about it and just focus on working and yourself."

    "You make it very hard to not worry about you when you don't tell me what's going on."

    "I promise, it's nothing to worry about, we're just trying to figure out a way to make everything right."

    "Whatever you say, pretty boy. I have to go, though. I love you, Luke, I'll call you when I get home from work," I said.

    "Bye, Love. See you soon, I love you," Luke replied.

    I hung up the phone and started to get ready for work, trying to forget about what Luke had said just a few minutes prior. He made it so damn hard not to worry about him sometimes, but maybe it was time I just trusted that the four of them knew what they were doing, and that they could fix this.

    Going to the office was hard, and made me sad, but luckily I never really had to deal with Mark anymore because he was busy with his other clients.

    During my break I decided to finally take a look at the comments on Luke's instagram to see if the fandom was saying anything. It seemed like there was a good mix of people who were sad that he took down the photos, and people who were happy about the "break up".

    Not living with Luke meant seeing him a lot less than I was used to and a lot less than I would like as well. Since Luke and I had to actually listen to Mark, Luke would only visit when the rest of the band was there or when Calum invited him over. It was hell for the both of us, and the short amount of time that we got to see each other was not enough.

    It felt like such a step back in my life to listen to the man telling me I'm not allowed to see my own boyfriend. I got out of one controlling relationship to be tossed into another one, this time with an authority figure.

    Luke and Calum both offered several times to pay for my hospital bills if I quit, but I really didn't want to do that to them, and I needed to be financially independent on this one. I couldn't afford the apartment anymore, so I felt that if I didn't pay for this on my own, I would just be failing my parents and myself, like everything I worked for would be for nothing. It was hard, but I had to do this.

    Luke and I had been through so much, that I had no doubt in my mind that we would make it through this little hiccup. So far we hadn't fought over anything, just been angry at Mark together. Every conversation with the band I had, it seemed like they were closer and closer to firing Mark and getting a whole new PR team. Honestly, I was rooting for that option, but something told me that if they fired Mark, he would fire me. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, though.