Savior

3. Jealousy

( Mention of ED )

Sometimes I wish I could choose to be someone different. At least someone who's not me. Someone like Maria. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and think 'I'm proud of myself, I deserve to be happy.' but the only thing that comes to my mind is 'why the fuck am I still here ? Why do I still try when I know it's not gonna change anything ? Why don't I give up ?'.

***

"Ava, Maria is here to pick you up." My mom called me. "Coming!" I screamed back.

I run down the stairs to meet my friend. "Hey, Maria." I said. "Hey. Let's go."

The beginning of the ride was quiet but the silence was soon broken by Maria. "How was your weekend ?" She asked. "Good, I guess. What about yours ?"

My weekend wasn't that good actually. I spent most of it in my bedroom stalking the neighbor's from my window.

"Mine was amazing ! I went shopping with my mom and, Oh my god I have show you everything I bought !" She screamed. "I can't wait to see them."

***

"Okay, I was wondering if you wanted to sleep at my house tonight. We could watch movies and talk about boys. We can also learn more about each other."

I thought about her proposition before giving her an answer. "Sure. Sounds fun."

We walked together to our English class. As we arrived in the room, my eyes lended on none other than Hunter Montgomery.

"Are you telling me that Hunter is in our English class ?" I asked Maria. "He's in all of our classes. You didn't notice ?"

God really hates me. "Hey, Blackwood." I decided not to answer or even look at him.

"It's not really nice to avoid people, you know ?" He said faking a sad expression. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." I said sarcastically.

It's hard to listen to what the teacher is saying when you have the most annoying person sitting behind you.

"Hey, Blackwood." I heard whispering from behind my back.

"Fucking hell, Montgomery, what do you want ?" I whispered back.

"Can you give me a pen, please ?" He asked.

"I'm sure you have plenty of pens."

"No, I don't." He said. "Well it's not my problem, ask someone else."

***

It was lunch time and I found myself standing in the middle of the cafeteria.

I hate the presence of so much people around me.

"Ava, come on. What are you waiting for ?"

For my whole body to disappear.

I walked to the table where Maria was sitting.
"Aren't you gonna eat ?" Maria asked after noticing I had been looking at my food for a while now. I grabbed a fork and started eating what's in my plate.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." I said. "Okay. Hurry up."

I made my way to the toilets and make sure no one is in the room. When it was done, I started looking at myself in the mirror. This time, I couldn't keep the tears from falling. I looked at my body and saw nothing but a failure. I staid like this for at least five minutes before I heard the doors opening. I quickly wiped my eyes.