our life-Billie Eilish

Chapter 15

She stands up and holds her hand out, "Ready to go now?" She asks and I nod. "Ready." I repeat before taking her and she pulls me up. We get into her car and drive off. "When we're at Fin's and Claudia's I have to continue working with Fin in the studio okay?" She asks and i nod. She's been working on that one song for about one more week now and she still hasn't showed it to me. I heard her talking to Danny the other day about releasing two songs next week... I hope she'll show them to me before releasing them...

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"Y/n?" I hear Billie's voice address me from our bedroom, so I stand up to see what she needs. "Yes?" I ask while entering the room, my phone still in my hands. "I want to show you something." She
tells me and I nod before locking my phone, giving her my full attention. "I'm all ears." I tell her and sit down before she nods while biting her lip. She also starts playing with a ring on her finger, a habit she has when she's nervous. "You don't have to be nervous or anything, you know I'd never judge you." I assure her before taking her hand in mine, lightly squeezing it.

"So as you know, I was working on some songs lately and I wanted to show them to you before they're being released." She explains while looking down at our hands, avoiding eye contact. "Okay, what are they about?" I ask and she takes a deep breath in, "You already heard one, it's called 'tv', you know the one song I started performing at my show?" She asks and I nod. "Well you already know that it's kind of sad and I just wanted to tell you that I don't see our relationship like that... I just write about how I feel at times to make me feel better, it's like a coping mechanism." She explains in a soft voice and I nod hesitantly.

I know I'm not always the best girlfriend but hearing the song, hearing how awful and sad I made her feel makes me feel so guilty. "I'm sorry." I apologize while looking down at our hands. "It's okay baby, the past is the past. You don't have to feel bad about anything, okay?" She asks and I nod, "I know, it's just... I don't know, hearing these kind of songs knowing that I was the reason you felt like that is just... hard." I explain softly and she sighs. "I'm sorry..." she whispers but I shake my head almost immediately. "You have nothing to apologize for." I assure her and she nods with a sad smile.

"Before you continue... I just wanted to tell you that I'm trying to be a better person for you... you make me want to be better for myself but also for you. I'll never treat you like that again, I love you." I say before looking up to see her teary eyes, "I know baby and you make me want to be a better person too, I love you and appreciate you so so much, okay? Don't ever doubt that." Billie says softly, making me smile as my eyes tear up.

After a few moments of us staring into each other's eyes, I lean in while closing my eyes. I feel nothing else but pure love and honesty in our kiss, gosh she's a great kisser. We pull apart and I rest my forehead against hers, "I love you so much." I whisper while keeping my eyes closed and not even a few heartbeats later, I feel her lips on mine again. "I love you too." she mumbles against my lips making me smile.

"Okay, so... ehm the song is about..." Billie starts but doesn't finish the sentence. "The song is about?" I ask but she doesn't answer, "I ehm- don't know how to tell you... I don't want to trigger you or something like that." she explains and I nod, understanding where she's coming from. "Okay, so how about we just listen to it and then talk about it? Is that okay?" I ask softly and give her some time to think about it. "Yeah that's fine but I want to play it to you." She says hesitantly.

I stand up and take her hand, leading us into our own studio like room. "Sit down." She tells me and I obey almost immediately. "Okay now you're scaring me." I tell her as she picks up her guitar. "Can I be honest?" She asks and I nod. "I'm scared too." she reveals, gosh what can this song be about? "You're not making this better." I mumble under my breath.