our life-Billie Eilish

Chapter 16

"Then I can't wait for the world to hear it." I say with a genuine smile, "Are you sure?" Billie asks and I nod, "Let the world hear your angelic voice." I say with a flirty smile, making Billie roll her eyes at me with a toothy grin. "I love you." Billie says while looking into my eyes, "I love you too baby." I say before leaning in. It feels like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, now that I finally talked about it. She'll always be here for me and I'll always be here for her... or at least I hope so.

-

"Don't you think, it would help if you started therapy?" Alexa asks me and I turn my head to look at her. "What?" I ask, not expecting what just came out of her mouth. "Y/n, we've been sitting in this car for the past twenty minutes and you still haven't made any progress." Alexa calls me out. "I told you, you can leave." I snap at her before turning my head again and tightly grasping onto the steering wheel.

"If you don't want to be here then go, I didn't ask you to come." I continue, "You know, that's not what I meant." Alexa tries but I shake my head, "Well it still sounded like it." I mumble under my breath, starting to get irritated. "Y/n, I'm just saying that you need help to get over the accident-" Alexa starts but before she could finish, I'm out of the car and walking down the street. "Where are you going?" I hear Alexa shout behind me but I ignore her.

After walking for god knows how long, I find myself at a random bar. Without thinking, I step inside and take a seat on a stool. "What can I do for you?" The barkeeper asks while giving me a smile. "A mojito, please." I order and he nods before starting to prepare my drink. I take the time to look around, the bar is pretty busy even tho it's still pretty early. "A mojito for the pretty lady." The barkeeper says while setting my drink in front of me and I give him a small 'thanks'. I sip on my drink while I stare at the wall, too caught up in my mind.

I wasted so much time in my life doing nothing and since the accident I realized not every day is guaranteed. Life is unpredictable and you can never know what will happen tomorrow. I know, I need help but I don't know if I want it. I'm not the type of person that likes bothering people with my problems and feelings. I'm the kind of person that bottles all emotions up until they come rushing back and knock me down.

The past few weeks, I've been feeling so small and down. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, the nonstop worries about what will happen tomorrow, the scars on my body that will always remind me of the accident or the sadness of it all. Billie has been trying to be by my side and I feel like she's the only thing that's keeping me together. I appreciate her so much but I don't know if I'm good enough for her. I always make her worry, always bother her with my issues, always fall apart and expect her to glue me back together. I feel like a burden and like I don't deserver her.

Billie's going back on tour this Sunday, expecting me to go with her but I won't, I can't. Not with this mindset, not with how I feel. I don't want to bother her anymore, she should have fun and enjoy touring without her fiancée, who is currently struggling with everything and anything.

I finish up my drink and order another one, and another one and after that one, another one. I'm starting to feel lightheaded and nauseous, so I pay but before I could leave, the barkeeper puts another drink in front of me. Before I could even ask, a woman approaches me with a flirty smile, here it comes. "A woman like you should never have to buy a drink for herself." The woman says while taking a seat next to me. "That's oddly nice of you but I was just about to leave." I tell her before trying to stand up but she stand up again so she's standing in front of me. "Just one drink please?" She begs with a smile and I sigh while nodding and sitting back down.

"So..." I start, "You seemed pretty lonely and in your head the whole time." She commands and I give her a slightly confused look, "I noticed you when you came in. You seem kind of familiar but I can't pinpoint from where." She explains and I only shrug in response. "I've got a lot on my mind." I explain and she nods, "Do you maybe want to talk about it? I'm a great listener." She suggests and normally, I would never talk to a stranger about my private life but maybe it's the alcohol, that's making me do it.