clementine // joshler

22

tyler's point of view

at lunch the next day, we all sit down in our usual spot and i glare at emily, saying nothing.

"so, as i mentioned in the group chat, we have something serious to discuss," emily starts.

"girl, are you pregnant? is that what this is? why couldn't it be talked about over text?" sydney gives her a suspicious look.

"no! what?! no. this isn't about me. it's about tyler."

"oh, good. i always thought if one of us was going to be pregnant before college, it'd be me." she turns to me. "what's going on, bubs?"

"i don't want to say it."

"do it."

"emily, he is right over there," i whisper yell to her.

"just whisper! like we are now!"

i groan and give sydney a quiet summary of my confession.

"WHAT?!" sydney's jaw is dropped when she starts. she clears her throat and lowers her tone, just not quite to a whisper. "you're telling me the first time you have feelings for someone it's-"

"SYDNEY," i interrupt her before she can finish her sentence out loud.

"you have to be quiet, syd," emily whispers.

"sorry, sorry. you're telling me the first time you have real feelings for someone is your teacher? tyler."

"yeah, i know, whatever," i mumble, shoving a bite of food into my mouth just so i don't have to explain myself anymore.

"what is your opinion, miss resident cupid?" emily asks.

sydney grins and turns to glance at mr. dun. my eyes follow and i see him smile a bit and nod to her in acknowledgment and doing the same to me.

our eyes meet only briefly and i offer a small, awkward wave, burying my face in my hands immediately after.

"i'm screwed."

"i think it's a delicate situation, but it might work if we're strategic. i think he might feel... something. i don't know what, but there's something beyond the neutrality a teacher normally has for students, you know? i mean, did you see how he was looking at you? i totally caught him staring at you."

"what? i don't think he was staring at me." i look down at my food.

there's no way. she's probably reading too much into things.

then again, she's much more experienced in this stuff than i am.

"well, he was. trust me."

i shrug, pretending that the idea of him staring at me doesn't make me want to run away and hide.

"well, what does that solve anyway? what do you mean 'it might work?' nothing could happen between us," i say, trying to remain realistic, as much as it stings to do so.

"i mean, not publicly," she says, that look on her face that tells me she definitely has some idea brewing. "but think about it. you're not a minor and you're literally more of an adult than most of the older adults i know. and you're neighbors. it could work."

"so, what, am i supposed to just... knock on his door with flowers and chocolates? i already gave him a stupid plant," i retort, maybe entertaining whatever she's proposing just a little...

she rolls her eyes. "no, smartass. don't be stupid. just... be careful. and intentional. and yourself."

"wow, thanks. very helpful."

-

i leave the cafeteria at the same time as mr. dun, as per sydney's instruction, and catch up to him in the hall.

"hey, mr. dun." i offer a small smile, my hands gripping the straps of my backpack tightly.

he smiles back at me, small but genuine. "hey, tyler. how are you?"

"i'm good." i nod, my heart beating too fast in my chest. "how has your day been so far?"

i don't think i could figure out how to flirt if my life depended on it.

"pretty good." he opens the door to his classroom and i follow him in. "thanks for asking. how's your day been? classes going okay?"

"oh, just great."

i make my way to my seat and he sits at his desk. emily walks in before we can say anything else. she raises her eyebrows at me in question and i shake my head.

once the class is full, we have journal time. after that, mr. dun talks for awhile and passes out a quiz. he told us about it last week and i'd been studying periodically, so i'm not worried about it. looking around, i see a lot of students who probably can't say the same.

i end up being the first person done and walk up to mr. dun's desk at the front of the room to hand the paper to him.

"thank you." he takes it from me with a small smile.

our hands touch, just barely and only for a second. and i explode into cherry red cheeks and shy silence.

i walk back to my desk and then cross my arms on the table, dropping my head to lean on them.

ugh.

-

i fill jenna in on everything that's happening at work that night after we're closed.

"ohhh boy." she shakes her head. "sticky situation, huh. kinda a gray area in my opinion. there's still somewhat of a power imbalance."

she's washing dishes and i'm rinsing them as she finishes, then putting them on the rack to dry.

"it just doesnt feel that way. he doesn't treat us like kids or even like students per se. he treats us like individuals, or peers almost, like we're equals," i try to explain, but i don't think i do a very good job of it.

she nods. "you're grown enough to make your own choices and then some. just be careful. i don't know that it will end well, but your happiness is most important and it's in your hands."

i think about that throughout the rest of our shift and even on my way back to my apartment.

i stop outside and look over to mr. dun's door.

and i go home.

(an: jenna vs sydney hmmm)