clementine // joshler

52

josh's point of view

i'm on the phone with hayley while i get ready for work monday morning.

"so, you had a good weekend then?" hayley laughs from the other end of the line.

"definitely." i fasten the last button on my shirt and then pick my phone up to take it off speaker.

"good for you, j. i'm glad things are going well," she says, smile evident in her tone. "i told him if he hurt you that i'd have to hurt him."

"i believe it. i don't believe you'd do it though."

"i just don't want to see you in that place again. the higher you are, the farther you fall and all that. i love seeing you happy. that's all i want."

"i know, h. i appreciate it. i love you."

hayley has seen me in every possible state, at my lowest and at my best. i know that's really all she wants for me, to be happy. no ulterior motives, no passive-aggressiveness. she's just a genuinely good, caring person and an even better friend. i'm lucky to have her.

we talk until i have to go and then i drive to school with the radio playing quietly in the background.

i go straight to my classroom to make sure i have everything ready for my classes. the days go by faster the closer we get to the end of the semester and it's strange to think that i've almost finished my first school year as a teacher.

it's also strange to think about the fact that tyler started out as my student. if i think about it for too long, a tinge of guilt grows in my stomach and a touch of paranoia joins it. it was a big risk to take and a choice that i doubt anyone else would have made.

but i guess it's like i told him that day. when you know, you just... know. it's something hard to explain, the pull i feel to him. the situation seems to be nestled and stuck in the middle of a spiderweb of complications and specificities, but he'll graduate in a few months and it'll make things easier. we're only a few years apart age wise, it's not like that part will matter.

i guess as much as i like to overthink, it's hard to feel too bad about it when i see him walk into the room, laughing with his friend and trying to hide the ever present blush rising to his cheeks when we make eye contact.

i pass out the essay assignment after journal time. they have about two months to finish it, which gives them the time to read the book before we watch the movie adaptation in class. it's a simple paper, to analyze and compare each version of the story and how different symbolisms are portrayed.

"any questions?"

the only person who raises their hand is the only person i don't want to hear from.

"yes?"

"how was your weekend, mr. dun?" she asks, twirling her hair around her finger.

my eyes glance back to tyler and then to the girl in front of me again.

i sigh and shake my head. "it was great. thanks." i look back to the rest of the class. "any real questions?"

i'm met with silence, which i'm almost grateful for.

"alright. for today, i just want everyone to start their books. i can't force you to read it, but your grade will probably be telling of your decision." i sit back down at my desk and watch as everyone takes their books out.

some people don't bother to even open it, but tyler is one of the few that does, which doesn't surprise me. it looks like he's already started it before today, which brings a small smile to my face. always working so hard.