clementine // joshler

62

josh's point of view

i wake up with a nervous knot in my stomach. i don't ever particularly like going to my parents' house, despite their usually good but misguided intentions. easter is no different.

nonetheless, i get dressed, and i make the drive.

i'm welcomed by the same floral wallpaper and the scent of apple pie that usually accompany my mother's house around the holidays. it's familiar but uncomfortable, and it's stiff like air-dried church clothes.

i make my rounds of awkward hugs and salutations, then mostly stick close to the wall until the food is ready.

"and then he proposed! isn't that the sweetest thing?" my mother tells the family of my sister's engagement, even though i'm sure she's already told everyone a million times.

"and then my girl is having her baby soon! to think, this time next year, we're gonna have another little one," my aunt adds, trying to one-up her sister.

i know what's coming next. i'm not looking forward to it.

my dad clears his throat, displeased with my silence or maybe with my bored expression at the current conversation. here it comes.

"joshua, how is your job going? i don't remember it paying very well. of course, that is more of a... feminine field to work in."

perfect.

"it's going great, dad."

my aunt clears her throat to disrupt the short but awkward quiet that follows my reply. she changes the subject.

-

while the adults are hiding the eggs in the back yard, i feel my mom's eyes on me. i turn to see her whispering something to her sister that i can't hear.

i sigh and tuck an egg behind a tree root.

i finish before everyone else and stand on the porch, leaned against the house while i wait.

eventually, everyone finishes and the kids are let outside to look around. i remain on the porch with the rest of the adults, doing my best to engage in pleasantries with my least-annoying relatives.

"joshua, have you met anyone recently? i have a friend at church and her daughter is just lovely," my mother comes to stand beside me, her hand on my shoulder as she pulls me out of a conversation with my brother, "i know you and deborah broke up awhile back. for the best if you ask me."

"i didn't ask you, actually."

"oh, hush. have you met someone? will i ever get a grandbaby from you?" she asks, tight smile on her face.

she means well. i know she's not trying to antagonize me, that she probably doesn't realize what she's doing. she just has different opinions than i do. she had a different plan for my life than i did and she doesn't like being confronted with that. and because i'm so preoccupied thinking about what she wants and how i don't want it, i can't think quickly enough to come up with a lie.

"i have met someone, yes."

shit.

her face lights up at this, "oh! what's her name? when can we meet her?"

i guess i'm already in it now...

"his name is tyler."

i watch as her face falls and scrunches up in confusion as she tries to process my answer. she opens and closes her mouth a few times like a fish out of water, glancing around at everyone else to see who heard. no one did but my brother, and when she realizes this, she stands up a little straighter and tries to pull the smile back onto her face.