It Was Too Late (Varsity Boys Series #2)

Chapter 33

"Oh my god, Selena!"

Hindi ko pinansin si Tiffany at patuloy lang na umiyak. Sinasabunutan ko na naman ang sarili ko dahil sa galit at pandidiri sa sarili.

"No! Don't touch me! I hate it! I hate my self! I'm disgusted to my self! I was r-raped! I-I...."

"No! What are you saying?! Stop hurting yourself, Selena! Oh gosh!" She tried to stop my hands from pulling my hair. I scream out loud while crying loudly when a flashback of what happened to me came back.

His face. His touch. The way he smiles at me. His punches.

The flashback of the harassment I have been through showed up in front of me. Para itong video na paulit-ulit na nagpi-play sa harapan ko. Nakatulala ako sa kawalan at naririnig ang sariling sigaw ng pagmamakaawa para tigilan nya ako.

"T-tama na! Tama na! Ayoko na!" I was screaming out loud while pulling my hair. I can't hear anything but my screams and pleadings only. I only feel like someone is stopping me from hurting my self.

"I will fucking kill you!"

I completely loose control of my self and the only thing I wanted to do is to hurt myself. I feel disgusted to my self. Diring-diri ako sa sarili ko pero naaawa. Awang-awa ako dahil hindi ko manlang nagawang ipaglaban ang sarili ko laban sa lalaking 'yon.

Hinayaan ko syang magalaw ako.

Pero... Pero hindi ko naman sinasadya... Hindi ko naman ginusto.

Pero bakit sinisisi ko ang sarili ko sa mga nangyari?

And that leads me to hate my self for not fighting enough.

For not saving my self.

"S-stop... P-please, stop... No..." Nanlalabo na ang mga mata ko dahil sa luha at nanghihina na ang buong katawan ko dahil sa pagod at pagsuko. Kahit sa pagpikit ng mga mata ko ay sya pa rin ang nakita.

May hawak na baril at nakatutok sa akin.

I'm scared. He might pull the trigger if I make him more mad. It feels like it is really happening infront of me. I feel like I wasn't imagining things. Pakiramdam ko ay andito talaga sya sa harapan ko at nakatutok ang kanyang baril sa akin.

Nag-aalab ang mga mata habang nakatingin sa aking mawalan ng malay. My body felt tired and weak and it gives up.

"Hindi talaga maiiwasan ang mga pangyayaring ganito especially sa mga naging biktima ng harrassment. In her case, she's suffering from a depression and she's experiencing hallucinations about what happened to her. Nakikita o bumabalik sa kanya ang mga nangyari. Naririnig nya ang boses ng taong nanakit sa kanya." I hear voices again.

"That means, she have post traumatic stress disorder?" I can't determine whose voice is that. My hearing is a bit blurry. I can't even recognize voices.

"Yes. I suggest that she needs a proper treatment about her condition. Baka mas lalong lumala at..."

"Selena..." Someone is whispering to me. I'm scared to open my eyes because I might see what I saw earlier. I'm scared. I don't want to see his face again. I don't want to hear his voice again.

P-please....

"S-Selana..." A man's voice suddenly appeared. Hindi inaasahang luha ang tumakas mula sa nakapikit kong mga mata nang makilala ang boses na 'yon.

Nanginig ang mga labi ko habang umiiyak nang nakapikit dahil sa takot na baka ibang tao ang makita ko ngunit sa boses nya palang ay alam ko kung sino na ang nagmamay-ari nito.