on immortality and teenagers

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"You are..." I paused, drinking in the sight of the tiny girl before me. "A child."

"You're my age, jackass," the teenager hissed, scowling at me like a particularly irritated wildcat.

"Oh no, I'm afraid that's where you're wrong," I smiled. "I merely look your age. That is not the same as being an emotionally constipated, mentally ill and vertically challenged toddler. I am, in fact, twenty-seven thousand, eight hundred and ninety-one years your senior."

The girl stared.

"What in the ever-loving crapfest of vampire novels-"

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