Acting Like I Love Her (gxg)

Milani's Therapist>>>

Milani goes back home at 7:00 pm. The sun has already set by then, and a butler is there to take her jacket. 

She walks upstairs to her room which feels like a workout in itself. She knows her parents are on a business trip, so doesn't hesitate to blast her music as loud as her speaker allows her to. SZA starts playing as Milani changes into her pj's. She looks at the remains of her fort from yesterday and signs before cleaning it up. 

For some reason, she starts to get angry. Really angry. Milani felt overwhelmed with emotions, and was close to reacting in a way she would regret later, when she would have to pick up all the pieces she smashed during her temper tantrum. She thinks about her therapist, and breathes deeply before opening her diary and going through some of the exercises her therapist gave her. 

1) Why am I angry? When did I get angry?

She wrote down. Then she hesitated with the first question. She skipped it and moved to the second part of it. She took deep breaths and cleared her head.

I got angry when I came into my room. I saw the fort me and Nova built yesterday and remembered how happy I was. Then I got mad.

2) Did I get angry at the thing itself, or did my emotions build over time?

Milani thinks she knows the answer to this one. 

My emotions build up over time. It's because of my parents, and how they never made me feel the way I felt with Nova yesterday - like a child, like a stupid little kid having a sleepover. 

3) look at the perspective of the other person. In their eyes, is it your fault, or theirs. Is it anybody's fault?

Milani thought about her parents.  Maybe they felt bad about abandoning her? If she was a mother and had to work all the time, she might send her child gifts, or try her best to come visit. Or send them letters to make sure they know their mom still cares about them. 

But her parents never did that. 

Milani broke down. Her anger turned into sadness. The only thing she ever received from her parents was money. No notes, and whenever they would come back, they would constantly fight with each other and yell at Milani. 

Milani started crying. She screamed and cried into her pillow for 10 minutes, ignoring all the knocks on her door from the servants and butlers. She was surprised they could hear her crying over the loud music. She suddenly felt dehydrated. 

Milani drank 3 tall glasses of water before taking deep breaths and answering the first question. 

1) Why am I angry? 

Im mad because mom and dad don't love me. They never have, and everytime they show affection, Milani gets a small glimmer of hope, which gets crushed and hurts like absolute hell. 

4) What can you do about this situation?

Milani takes a pause. She looks through her diary, with all the bookmarks that are orange. The orange ones are about her parents. She looks at her answers for the past practises she's done. All of her answers in the past for that last question were something like:

I'm going to study harder to make my parents proud

I'll be the perfect daughter

I'll be sent to the hospital. Or get suspended. That way they can come back home or actually pay attention to me. 

Milani laughed out loud for that one. That's when she started the fight with Nova. It resulted in both of them going to the hospital because of serious injuries. Milani and Nova even got suspended. Milani's parents had to bribe them to not put the suspension on her school record. She also got the beating of a lifetime when they got home.

Milani thought. Her anger was completely gone. Her mind had never been clear. She wrote down on her diary.

4) What can you do about the situation?

I'm going to stop caring about what my parents think of me. 

Milani smiled. She felt like she had a breakthrough. 

She turned her music off, and went to take a nap. She woke up halfway in a panic because she just remembered she had an assignment due at 11:59 that she barely started.

A/N:

So fucking proud of Milani having a breakthrough. 

Love her for that

hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!!