Kiss of Sunset

Kabanata 22

Kabanata 22: Dark

Words couldn't form in my mouth. Thoughts became fuzzy. My heart dropped in the ground causing it to break into pieces. My eyes were wide open, allowing my tears to flow.

Pain started to fill the spaces between my shattered heart. Midnight became my comfort time again. All I could think is what really is happening right now. As much as I wanted to survive, misery is drowning me to death.

Ghad, for how long will I wait?

I stood up and took my hoodie out. I'm afraid about bursting my emotion than walking alone under the night sky. I walked down the street, hiding my hands in my hoodie.

Darkness embraced me. The sound of the wind and the dancing trees is all I can hear. Every minute passed, every step I made, insanity is crawling up to my mind. From this moment, I knew we're oceans apart.

I went to the nearest convenience store and bought some drinks. I want to calm down my emotion, for I can't handle it any longer. I don't want to hurt myself just to release this intense feeling inside. I just hope that heaven witnesses everything I do to give her a sign that I already need her beside me, that I am vulnerable without her.

I went to a park and sat on a swing. I opened a canned drink and took a sip.

"Why does everyone I loved will leave me?" I whispered. "Am I hard to be loved? Do I have a problem? May mali sa akin? I can change!" I stood up and drink all the beer in the can in just a minute.

I threw it away, angrily. "Why me?! Anong kasalanan ko para ganituhin ako ng mundo? I became a better daughter, cousin, student, a friend! Why me?!" I scream out of my lungs. "Yes, I know. I made this decision yet it came too far." I bent down my knees weakly while crying. "I can't lose her. Not this time, not this lifetime. Please, hear my heart."

I don't know anymore. I am also a human, making mistakes.

I shouted until my voice got weaker. The more it looses sound, the more it became heavier.

"Kyrie!" A scream distracted me. It was from Rich. I looked at his eyes. "K-ky," he whispered, shocked. He sat with me on the ground. "I'm sorry..."

"No, please..." I refused to hear what was he going to say.

"I know it can't be me forever. I already see that. I may be someone special for you before but now I am just your best friend. Everything changes as well as your heartbeat. Everything in the past will remain as memories. I'm glad that you made this decision but seeing you devastated and drowning, I'm sincerely worried. I don't know how can I help you." He enunciated.

I weakly laughed. "So you knew." I said and he nodded. "Who told you? Si Elionhir ba?"

"I can't say who's behind all of this. I'm—"

I stood up. "I'm asking you, Rich... who the hell told you?!" I clenched my fist. My eyes were ranging on fire, ready to burst my anger. "Si Elionhir ba?!" I didn't move my stare in him. "Fuck, Rich! Magsalita ka na!" Out of frustration, I threw all the canned drinks I bought.

Arms wrapped in my body. "Kyrie, stop, please..." he begged.

"Bitiwan mo ako! I still can't fucking hear the answer to my fucking question! Bitiwan mo ako, Rich! For fuck's sake!" Patuloy pa rin ako sa pagpiglas ng yakap niya sa akin.

"Kyrie, please..." I can feel his tears falling down to my hoodie. "I can't say it for it will cost your life."

And just a snap, I forgot how to breathe. Everything became a slow motion, even the sway of the swing. All I could hear is my rapid beating of my heart. My eyes stopped from crying. I couldn't move my lips nor my hands.