Lilith (old version)

Chapter 2

Lilith

"Do not romanticise the bruises beneath my eyes. Do not compare them to fields of violets ready to be plucked. I'm just tired. I'm just so goddamn tired. And there's nothing beautiful about that."

It's 12:47am, just over four more hours of my shift to go and I can finally go home. I pour myself another shot of the cheapest vodka we store, I'm not nearly as drunk as I need to be to get through this shift without shouting at anyone. I guess that's what heavy drinking from the age of 13 does to you, it fucks with your tolerance. I wish I could say I'm not an alcoholic but after being surrounded by them my whole life I can see the signs. I can't function normally without a shot or two in my morning coffee, and if I didn't get dirt cheap alcohol from the bar then I'd probably be just as broke as my parents. It's both a blessing and a curse, how easy it is to acquire alcohol and drugs when you're surrounded by them almost daily. At least I'm not too far in with drugs. Yet. There more of a social thing, a bit of weed here, bit of coke there. I wouldn't ever do heroin at least, so it's really not that bad. The one thing my parents did teach me was stay away from heroin, and unsurprisingly I listened. When you're parents have never cared enough to give you any form of life advice or rules, when they give you a singular one it really sticks.

Although that's a lie, saying that they don't give me any rules, they give me plenty; at least my dad does. He likes to take an old fashioned approach into getting them drilled into me. Ironically enough, by literally drilling them into me with his fists. Or his boot. Or both. It's only when he's off his face that he hurts me, but he's off his face pretty much all the time nowadays. I can't even remember when it started, I was properly flung out my mums womb and immediately met with a fist. Honestly though I'm normally so pissed myself I don't feel most of the beatings, at least not until the next day. The day after always sucks. Hence why I just don't stop drinking. Then I don't have to remember it either. Here's the thing, people always say they hate remembering what they did the previous night they were drunk. But if you never stop drinking, then you never have to remember.

I take another shot and rinse out the glass before polishing it with the cloth draped over my shoulder. I go back to making the previous drink for one of the customers at the bar, he's looking at me intently; probably checking I measure out the alcohol correctly. Most men hate that a young girl is pouring there drinks, insisting I never pour enough in even after watching me measure out a perfect shot time after time. You'd think by now that society would've progressed a bit to letting a lady pour you a drink, but apparently even that's a step too far. Whatever, it's not like I get paid enough to care about society's opinions or the way these grumpy old men talk to me. I'm sure they have a loving wife at home who's cooking them a nice homemade meal, whilst I'm stuck serving their stupid neat scotches.

I see a large group of younger men come through the door, they really don't look like they fit this sort of place. They're all wearing suits of some kind, although they're worn casually; shirts untucked, sleeves rolled up, tights loosely hanging from their necks. Even so, they definitely aren't the usual middle aged men with beer bellies and jeans on that tend to come in around this time of the night. Or early morning, I silently correct myself.

I kind of hope that they're going to sit at the bar, so I can get a change from the regulars. But I watch as they ignore the bar entirely, and walk straight towards the stage with the beautiful dancers on; typical. Of course they're here just for the strippers, I can't blame them they're hot. I even had a fling with one of the girls a couple months ago, she was one of the most graceful dancers I'd ever seen and I couldn't help but want to see if she was as graceful in bed. Im sure these men won't have a problem finding a dancer each to go home with either.