Lilith (old version)

Chapter 3

Lilith

Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.

My back hurts. My neck hurts. My butt hurts. Everything fucking hurts. I roll onto my side, straight into a puddle. Why is there a puddle in my room? And why is my bed so hard and cold?

I blink away the sleep in my eyes, groaning softly as bright sunlight prevents me from seeing anything. I pull myself up and see I'm still in the abandoned car park. I shiver as I realise I'm now soaking wet and freezing. I should've at least gone down a floor before sleeping, at least then I'd have a roof over my head. I get out my phone, and see that it's 8am and i only have 3% left. My first class starts at 9, so I have an hour to get home and shower. I'm normally late to college anyway so it's not like anyone will notice my absence.

I pull on my boots which I assume got kicked off as I was sleeping. Dusting my coat off, I begin the walk home. I see parents walking their kids to school on my way, mums pushing their babies in prams as the dads hold their child's hand. I always get a pang of jealously course through me when I see parents being, well, parents. It's something I never had and never will have; a normal family dynamic. Sometimes I'm glad that my parents have never shown me love though, because I've never expected them to. People always say how disappointing and heartbreaking it is when your parents stop caring about you, but when you've never had that care to look up to it means you can't be disappointed by the lack of it.

My coat steadily dries off in the sunlight, it's still freezing but there's barely a cloud in the sky. I reach for my phone and out falls the remainder of the money Lorenzo gave me, I stuff it back into the depths of my pocket; unwilling to think about last night. My phones dead, just perfect. It's not like I need it for anything, I know nobody has messaged me, it's just comforting knowing it's their if I need it.

I walk through the already open door into my house, somehow it's colder in here than it is outside and I can see my breath in the air clouding in front of my face. I note my dad who's passed out on the couch and my mum is as per usual no where to be seen; probably still at some motel with another guy. I walk up the stairs, careful not to step on the cans littered on the floor. My room is dark, but I don't bother turning on the lights or opening the curtains.

I shrug of my coat and pull of my boots, then I remove my matching black skirt and top. I dump them all in a pile at the end of my bed, not bothering to hang them up when I know I'm just going to put them back on again as soon as I get back from college.

I step in the shower, it's cold like it always is; I haven't paid the heating bill yet. I feel the cold seep into my bones, chilling me to my core. I rinse away all traces of my smudged makeup and wash my hair. I've nearly run out of shampoo so I make a mental note to buy more on my way home.

I wrap myself in my faded towel, it's the same one I've had since I was a child. It used to be massive on me and I could easily wrap it around myself twice. Now it barely covers my thighs and just about covers my body. I used to love it, it was a bright purple with white dots all over it. Now the white dots are a yellow-grey and the purple has faded to a pale lavender. I rub the water off my body gently, avoiding the bruising on my back as much as possible. Lastly, I dry off my hair. Not really caring about friction. I know it's bad to rub your hair dry and that you should use a micro fibre towel but I really couldn't care less.