Lilith (old version)

Chapter 9

Lilith

Look at me, is what I wanted to say to you. Talk to me every once in a while. Find me a cure for these tears, I'd really like to exhale for the first time in my life.

My mind is going a million miles an hour again, desperately trying to figure a way out of this situation. There has to be something, anything, that I can say or do to stop Lorenzo from seeing my house. I've been building my reputation since I moved to my college seven years ago, seven years, all down the drain in a heartbeat. 

If he finds out I know he's going to tell all his mates, and his mates will tell their mates until the whole school knows my persona is a fraud. I don't trust him one bit, and I certainly don't trust that he won't jump at the opportunity to crush the already broken pieces of my life into dust.

Even the hum of the car does nothing to ease my nerves, but I force myself to keep breathing and steady my heart rate. For some reason I feel like Lorenzo can somehow sense when I'm scared, like if I don't control my stupid heart he'll hear it's pulse beating erratically. It's crazy, and irrational, maybe I'm just paranoid. Yeah, just paranoid.

I stare out the window at the trees whizzing past, and watch as raindrops roll down the glass; it reminds me of when I got on the bus as a child and used to watch them 'race' down the window to make the journey pass faster.

Now I stare at those droplets and imagine they're the tears that I'm forcing myself not to release. I never cry, ever. I refuse to cry in front of anyone, especially Lorenzo. I try to think of happy thoughts, but there are none. I don't have a single happy memory, any that were even remotely close to peaceful have been tainted; by what, I'm not sure.

We're close to my house now, and I'm surprised that Lorenzo hasn't spoken a single word to me since we got in the car. I was certain he'd immediately start grilling me about everything since now I can't escape or avoid him, but he's been completely silent the whole journey. His only interaction is to stare at me out the corner of his eye periodically. 

We're so close to my house now, and my palms start to sweat. It's too late to get out of this, even if I had a way out of this. He's going to see where I live. Where I really live, not just the upper-middle class house I've fooled people into believing is mine. 

"Is this definitely the right area?" I hear him ask hesitantly. I don't blame him, he probably believed it would be full of pretty flowers and perfectly trimmed hedges; not the dying trees and broken fences that are all the eye can see.

"Yep." I cough quietly, "You can just drop me off here." I add to fill the silence. 

I watch him pull the car up to the pavement and I watch in horror as he starts to get out the car.

"What are you doing?" I ask, ice dripping from my voice from sheer terror that he might try see inside my house.

My dad's car is in the driveway and our crappy TV is turned on, he's awake and inside. Lorenzo can't get anywhere near my house. He just can't.