Lilith (old version)

Chapter 19

Lilith

Realisation is a pendulum the size of the moon. It won't stop slamming into me.

Enzo gestures for me to sit on his couch, and after he assures himself I'm settled and not about to bolt out like last time, he disappears. I take the time alone to really look at his house. His front door enters straight into the living room, and the kitchen is separated by a large archway off to the left. The stairs lay against the kitchen wall and underneath is a small washroom with barely enough room for a single person. 

It makes sense though that the one downstairs is so small considering the numerous bathrooms and en suits upstairs which all adorn either a full size shower or bath tub. 

It's not long until I hear the sound of the kettle boiling though, and a few moments later Enzo walks in with two mugs of tea and some biscuits. 

"I thought we might need some comfort for this conversation." He says almost sheepishly. 

"Thanks. So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask softly. I can feel the tension rolling off his body, and it's making me feel like I'm walking on glass around him. 

"I'm going to tell you my life story, every single thing. To prove to you that I understand, and that I truly didn't mean any of what I told you in a bad way. I need you to know how sorry I am about how it all came out, and this is the only way I know how to prove it." He breathes out.

"Okay, I won't lie I'm intrigued, but if you feel uncomfortable you know you don't have to tell me. Right? I don't want to force anything out of you." I reassure him, and myself. I want to know everything, but at the same time I would hate myself even more than I already do if I made him feel uncomfortable.

"No, it's okay. I trust you." He sighs and pulls a hand over his face, "I won't lie though, this is going to suck for me. I haven't spoken about this to anyone but Nathan and his parents, even then it's only tiny snippets. But I want you to know, I need you to know." He amends.

I nod and take a sip of my tea, letting it burn my throat slightly. It's the only comfort I have at the moment, the only pain to distract me from the anxiety of this looming conversation. I give him a soft smile of encouragement and after a pause he finally takes a deep breath and begins.

"I've never known my father, my mother didn't tell me anything about him but from what I gathered he was another one of her one night stands. So it was just me and my mother my whole life, but she always hated me. I still haven't figured out why, but she truly despised me. My whole childhood was full of fear and pain, and her belt." He takes another deep breath in and I sit there silently, frozen. 

"My mother used to beat me, daily, with her belt. I have the scars to prove it." He laughs bitterly, looking at me but not really seeing me. "When I was twelve, Jess was born. I spent the rest of my days protecting her from our mother. She still doesn't know about any of it, she's never seen my scars and I won't ever let her. I never want her to know that sort of pain." A shaky sigh leaves his lips. 

"My mother was always abusing substances, anything she could get her hands on she would take. And therefore spending any money in sight. I spent the whole of my childhood barely alive, never being able to afford food or comfort of any kind. I was completely emaciated, skin and bones." His eyes are so distant now, as if he's back inside his half-dead child-body. "It wasn't until I became friends with Nathan that I ate a real meal and had a fresh pair of clothes on my back."