Imagine traveling back in time and meeting your father before he had you
Would you have already changed things with this encounter?
Is it even possible to change things?
Or is time an eternal beast that can't be defeated?
What do you think?
Can we change the course of events?
Any scientist would tell you no, casual determinism forbids it
But it is human nature to believe that we play a role in our own lives, that our actions can change things
Why is Kai so fascinated with time?
"Because I wanted to understand if i can change it, if everything has a purpose and if so"
Are we free of our actions? Or is it all created anew in an eternally recurring cycle?
As long as a wormhole exists, there is a closed time loop
Inside it, everything is mutually dependent
The past doesn't just influence the future.
The future also influences the past
It's like the question of the chicken and the egg, we can no longer say which of the two came first
Everything is connected.
"I would like to begin by extending a heartfelt congratulations to our entire class. Although we may be apart, I hope you share in the sense of collective pride and accomplishment we deserve to feel today. I feel a huge amount of gratitude to be delivering a small commencement message on behalf of our graduating class. Our class is brave, resilient, and relentless. In a year when giving up may have been tempting, and undoubtedly easier, we never did...."
Haerin was all smiley on stage as she do her graduation speech, a latin honor, Danielle's summa cum laude.
Right now, the latter is beaming at the girl on stage who's excitedly doing her speech with everyone, this wasn't the first time Danielle saw her so lively and giddy. In fact, this has already happened before, the only difference was their position.
Danielle originally had the title, but because she already reached it last year, she decided to give the best memory to Haerin.
They started dating around the same time, hence, if that's the case, it must mean this day will also be the day Haerin gives her an answer.
Danielle felt nauseous, she looked around and saw her friends grinning at Haerin, they never once left their eyes on the girl and that made her smile too. As soon as Haerin ended her speech, Danielle went out of the auditorium to take a walk, her mind and heart is racing.
Upon that wintry day, amid the brown wands of the wide avenue, Danielle appeared to have kept something of the summertime about her - as if her soul were a bright firefly.
She halts infront of the fountain, there's no one here except her. She frowned when she realized the fountain wasn't on, there were no lights.
"Why must it have to happen now?" She whisperer, reminiscing how Haerin pushed her down the fountain which was running but because she was too happy by the girl's answer she didn't get mad
"What do you mean by that?"
A voice speaks behind, Danielle jolted from where she stood. She quickly turned around, only to see Haerin's visage glowing in the moonlight
Her throat went dry, "Hey," you look pretty. Is what she wanted to say.
Haerin gave her a small smile, she lay down beneath the tree of the field and taps the spot beside her. Danielle catch on, she slowly made her way beside Haerin and there they lay underneath the thousands of stars
"What do you think happens before we die?" Haerin queries in a soft voice
Danielle's heart skipped a beat, she bit her lip in hesitation. She doesn't like the topic. It made her think of things she's trying to run away from
"You're asking a really big question," She replied.
Haerin shifts, she took a deep breath, "Do you think it's odd to long for death?"
Danielle sat up, she felt enraged by that question but as soon as her eyes observed Haerin's innocent looking expression, the anger melted away. And just like that, the burning rage of her unrelenting heart was reduced to a slow slimmer by merely witnessing the calmness of her beauty
She sighed and lay back down beside Haerin, she shut her eyes tightly, feeling strained by hearing the girl's thought, "Yes, Haerin, longing will always lead to unhappiness, why?" do you think that way.
"I long for death. The only thing comforting about this life is knowing that it will eventually end." Haerin smiled so tenderly wide that it physically hurts Danielle to see it
"But then I sometimes think that something or someone comes along and it makes the suffering worthwhile. I admit there are times where I have no hope at all but...." Haerin stops midair and stared at Danielle, there was something in those eyes the latter couldn't tell
"In times of no hope... what makes you stay, Haerin?"
The girl looked away, Danielle noticed her shoulder going up and down, seemingly like she's taking repetitive deep breaths.
"I'm not entirely sure," She answered
Danielle composed herself, "Well, there has to be something, right? Otherwise there would be no point in being here. There would be no point in anything. Minus this conversation for this matter."
Haerin smiles with her eyes eventhough her lips were still, and only Danielle could distinguish that, hence, she couldn't help but smile as well as she looks at Haerin
"I think I'm afraid, Danielle." Her lips twitched, "I'm afraid that in my final moments before death, I don't see my past flash before my eyes like in the movies but instead I see my future. I'm afraid I'll see myself smiling and happy,"
Tears escaped Danielle's eyes, she whipped her head to the other side of the field just so Haerin wouldn't notice. She wanted to speak, but the huge lump forming in her throat won't let her.
"Wait for me here, I'll have to tell you something." Haerin stood up and ran
While Danielle remained, still deep in her thoughts. Although she is aware that it is only natural for individuals to develop, change and frequently seperate as a result. She didn't anticipate it to be that painful.
She hates that the trend of people leaving is constant. Even when she should be forgetting it, she loathes the feeling of knowing nothing lasts forever.
More often than not, relationships will end and you'll feel a little less whole. It's only natural but it feels so wrong. Danielle crave something unnatural, someone that doesn't leave.
She hopes she discover it. But she knew there's no possibility of finding something like it. 'Cause if it's not Haerin, then she'd rather die.
YOU ARE READING
hindsight | haerin x danielle | daerin
Fanfiction"How much pain do you have to go through before giving up is okay?"
