Curse of the Fallen Deity (Zarsothian Tales #1 | Volume 1 & 2)

Chapter 37: Redirected Hearts

"CAN I talk to you, ate?" Atya asked, looking back and forth at me and Demi. Umiwas siya ng tingin sa 'kin at yumuko.

Lumingon ako kay Demi. Hindi niya mapigilang paglaruan ang kamay niya dala ng kaba. She's in a state of shock too, just as I am. It'll surely cause a major problem if Atya heard us and tells the king. Lalo na't naging malapit na sila ng hari.

I signaled Demi to leave us alone. Naintindihan niya rin naman ito. Tipid siyang ngumiti bago tuluyang tumalikod.

I rounded on Atya.

"What do you want to talk about?" I tried to sound as calm as possible although I really want to be upset at her horrible timing.

"'Yung nangyari po sa Central," huminto siya at naluluhang sinalubong ang walang emosyon kong mga mata. "Y-you're not a bad person... are you? Please tell me that you're not, ate..."

I let out a heavy sigh. Mukhang wala siyang narinig sa amin. Sinenyasan ko siyang lumapit sa 'kin na siyang sinunod niya rin naman. Yumuko ako para magpantay ang mukha naming dalawa. A tear fell on her cheek as she tightened her lips to suppress a sob.

"Listen to me." Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang balikat niya. I caught her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile. "Some things are meant to be done even if it means disaster and some path must be taken even if you have no one to walk with but yourself."

And right now, I am taking that path. Alone. The gray one that other people don't see — the one in the middle of the parallel.

"Ginawa ko 'yun kasi kailangan kahit alam kong may posibilidad na kamuhian ako ng lahat, gaya ng nangyari sa 'yo. You see, Atya... Hindi lahat ng tao ay sasamahan ka sa tinatahak mong landas pero kailangan mo pa ring umusad para magawa ang kung ano sa tingin mo ang tama."

Her forehead creased. "I don't think I understand, ate."

"I'm saying that I'm neither good nor bad but I do things based on my judgement. And what I did back on the Central was meant to be done." I let go of her shoulder and stood up.

My eyes fixated on the blue sky. There were bubbles of clouds sprawling like waves on the ocean. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti. I can feel it. I can feel the lonely, cold, and dark path that I'm taking yet it somehow calms me.

It was pleasant yet frustrating at the same time.

I am not stupid to not notice how I've changed. I've seen it. Felt it. Even liked it. It's the reality that I've been denying. The reality that I've been forcing to bury, afraid of eventually realizing that these are just fleeting emotions — that this will pass and I will be left wounded and betrayed again.

Mahirap magtiwala ulit kung ang tiwalang iyon ang sumira sa 'yo noon pero kahit ayaw ko mang aminin, alam kong unti-unting bumabalik ang dating ako.

Nabalik ako sa reyalidad nang may humawak sa kamay ko. Atya tightened her grip on my hand and smiled at me.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, ate," she said. "T-they killed my mom but I wasn't expecting you to do that... to cut both of his legs brutally. P-pakiramdam ko po, hindi kita kilala kasi... kasi naging katulad ka rin ng mga pumatay sa mama ko... Ayaw ko pong maging gano'n ka."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin.

I'm sorry, Atya, but I already became the person you don't want me to be a long time ago. Kakamuhian mo ulit ako kapag nalaman mong hindi ako nabuhay sa mabuting paraan — na gaya ng mga kalaban niyo ay namuhay rin ako na may baluktot na paniniwala.