Ma Meuia (NETEYAM)

11

All week I have been paired up with Ao'nung and I wanted to off myself. Like I was seriously about to either kill myself or him. He has been spewing the same bullshit all week, and it was getting on my last nerve. I was already on edge because after me and Neteyams walk on the beach I decided it was best for me to let go of my feelings, so that I could be a better... sister. I almost gagged.

Not talking to him was killing me, it was like a piece of me was missing. I wanted him to hold me and I wanted to tell him everything thats been going on. But I didn't want to load all my problems onto him. Neteyam barley even comes to me when he's upset, I'm supposed to be there for him. I wondered how he was doing and if he was finally a bit more comfortable on his Ilu. 

" Are you upset? Are you going to run to mommy? Oh wait." Roxto giggled next to Ao'nung. 

They had the mindset of a three year old. If I didn't know any better I would say they would make good friends with Lo'ak.

" I can't help imagining how much better the world would have been if your dad would have just pulled out."

" Watch it orphan, you wouldn't want me telling my dad that you're causing problems."

I rolled my eyes but smiled at him. It was a wide smile, a smile that they could see my fangs.

 After our signing lesson I walked back to the Hut. I still didn't understand the signs, even with learning english it wasn't that hard. I usually caught things pretty fast but recently I've just been off. My head wasn't in the right place.

I miss Ale. What I would do to just go on a ride right about now.

I walked into the hut and the only person there was Neytriri, who was cutting up some dried fruit. I sat down next to her and started helping. I hadn't really spoken to her or Jake this week. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to make it awkward by telling them about what had been going on so I said nothing and acted like me and Ao'nung where getting along. I almost cut my finger thinking of Ao'nung and what I wanted to do to him. Most of it was hanging him in a tree upside down in front of hungry Slinger.

" What is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." I said immediately. Damn you dagger. 

She did the stare thing.Its a hard stare, it usually makes any of us break.Once it is directed at you there was no escaping it. I REFUSED TO BE WEAK!

I started to sweat as her eyes bared down on me. The mom stare was an unbeatable power.

I couldn't stand the weight of the stare anymore, I crumbled.

" I just feel like I don't belong here."

It was a half truth. I wasn't lying either so it would have to suffice.

" Aw Riti." she scooted closer to me and put her hand on the back of my neck. She knew I felt uncomfortable with being comforted. I was fine with giving it but receiving it was just made me feel awkward.It made me feel like I was fragile. I didn't like it.

I smiled at her, " it just seems like everyone is getting used to it here...but I'm just not."

I shrugged looking down at my hands, " I miss home."

She put her hands into mine, " It is okay to feel that way. I feel the same."

I looked at her, it was nice to know that someone felt the same, instead of just telling me that we would adapt and get used to it.

" The ocean is beautiful, but it will never come close to what I feel for the forest."

I hesitated, " Do you think...Do you think we'll ever be able to go back?"