Be My Addiction

51 • Help

Eugene 

 
I woke up with a sigh of relief. It's Saturday. I didn't have to go to school. It was odd to feel relieved about that. Going to school felt much harder now. I didn't have the motivation and the guilt I felt hadn't faded. I haven't said a word to Ethan since I found him in the bathroom. He's been avoiding me.
 
It hurts but I understand.

At least he wasn't alone now. A week ago we had a new student. The two of them hit it off and Ethan seems a little more comfortable at school. I couldn't help but be a little jealous, but I made this bed. I'll have to lie in it. 

At least the bullying has seemed to die down a bit. I talked to so many classmates and told them to leave him alone, maybe it was starting to work. It just wasn't fast enough. I was tired of seeing him suffer when he hasn't done anything wrong.

I've spent too much time missing him when I could have been helping him.

I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone. The first thing I saw when I unlocked it was a folder of pictures and videos I had taken of Ethan. Lately, watching these videos has been the only thing helping me sleep at night.

I pushed play on one of the videos and couldn't help but smile when I heard him laughing. It was the day we went to the park. He was trying to balance on stones. He looked so happy and carefree. He had really come out of his shell and it was amazing to see.

He deserved to feel like that again. 

I took a breath. I needed to do something. I stood up and pulled on fresh clothes and made my way downstairs. I didn't even know where to start, but I had a lifeline. I had hope when I saw my mom sitting on the couch, reading a book. She's always been amazing at helping me with issues. 

“Hey, mom?" I stopped beside her, sitting on the couch. "Can I talk to you?”

When she heard my voice, she closed her book and turned to face me. “Of course, what’s up?” she asked lightly.
 
I couldn't help but fidget with my fingers. I don't know why it was so hard to talk about this. “It’s about Ethan. A lot happened a-and a lot went wrong. I don't know how to fix it."

She listened intently, probably sensing how serious this was. “I can help,” she smiled softly. It was reassuring. "what's going on?"

Another breath. I needed her to know the full story. The scary part was telling her I like guys. "Ethan and I… We were dating." 

As I spoke, my mom's eyes softened and I knew everything was going to be ok. She thought for a moment before she spoke, "that makes sense. I love and support you regardless, ok?" she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I would love to talk about this more with you, but it sounds like there's something else you want to talk about right now. Does it have to do with why Ethan hasn't been over?"

She was so good at doing the supportive thing. It was relieving. I'd rather not have that conversation right now. I'm glad she understood. I nodded softly “I was pressured into breaking off contact with him and things haven't been going well.”

She tilted her head and listened again, her expression growing serious, "You were pressured? By who?"

"I-It was by Veronica. She didn't take the breakup well and wanted to get back at me. She said that if I don't cut contact with Ethan, she'd make our lives a living hell." At this point, I was standing and pacing the floor. I had kept this to myself so now everything was coming out at once. "I thought I was doing it for his good. I thought that leaving him alone would prevent something else from happening. But that didn’t even work!" The more I talked, the more upset I got. My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths.

"How was she planning on doing that?" Despite my anxiety, my mom stayed calm. It made it feel like everything was going to be ok.

I sighed and sat back on the couch. "she had pictures of me and Ethan. She was going to spread them around the school… To make people react and treat us differently."

She nodded softly "you thought listening would prevent bullying?"

I ran my hands over my face and nodded. "I was trying to protect him. He's had a hard life already. I didn't want him to get hurt because of me. It didn't work though. She still sent bullies but they are only targeting Ethan."

"Ethan's getting bullied?" 

I nodded "I've been telling people to leave him alone but it's not enough." 

"Have you tried talking to any teachers about this?" She asked softly. I could tell she was taking notes, even without a pen and paper.

I paused for a moment, that guilt building up again. "no… Veronica made it seem like telling someone about it will just make it worse. I… I just got-"

"Scared?" Her tone was kind and understanding.

"Yeah I got scared," my words were barely above a whisper but I knew she could hear me.

"I understand," she said softly and leaned forward. "I know it's scary so thank you for talking to me. Teachers and staff members are always there to help you. What Veronica is doing is very serious and she's not going to get away with this ok?"

"What are you going to do?" I looked her way and she offered a smile.

"I'm going to call the school and let them know I would like to set up a conference. If you've got any evidence, I'll take that with me. They'll take care of the rest. They'll have to do an investigation but this will get fixed." She insisted and I couldn't help but believe her. "Does Ethan know about any of this?"

I sighed again and shook my head, "no. I haven't told him anything. I broke up with him and it hurt him. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I don't know what to do."

"He's probably hurting right now," she said softly. It was the hard truth. "This is going to be hard to hear, but it's important." After I nodded, she continued. "Ethan doesn't know anything right now, so he's working with what he's got. He's hurt and it'll probably take time for him to be open with you again."

She was right, that was hard to hear, "I'm scared he'll never want to talk to me again." I admitted, my eyes shifting away. I could feel emotions bubbling up. My throat hurt and my eyes stung. "I don't know what to do."

The idea of Ethan never talking to me again was heart-wrenching. That fear was bigger than anything Veronica could throw at me.

My mom wrapped her arm around me in a hug, "I think you should try to talk to him again… And if he doesn't want to talk, give him time. Let him know you're ready to explain everything and give him time. When he's ready, he'll talk."

She was right. I need to be honest with him and I would be.

I was done with the secrets.

<×><×><×>

Oh boy... It's been a while since I updated. It's been a little over a year and I'm so sorry about that!

It's been an eventful time on my end. I got kicked out and moved in with a family member. I found a new job and managed to save up enough to move in with my best friend in our apartment!

It was one of my biggest dreams!

Finishing this book is also a dream. I haven't given up on it and I'm finding the motivation to keep writing!

Thank you to everyone who's stuck around and been so patient!

This chapter has been in my drafts for so long but I finished it. I'll probably tweak it soon but everyone deserved an update!

I hope you enjoy! :)

-Evan