Be My Addiction

18 • Comforting Embrace

Eugene

I watched as Ethan stood up abruptly. He looked upset and angry. That was reasonable though. Everyone kept asking about the accident.

The pale boy looked almost shattered at the emotional memories he was probably reliving by having to replay the accident in his head.

And that made me feel guilty. 

I had pressured him into the game. I had pressured him into actually coming to the party. 

Ethan didn't want to, but I encouraged him.

He turned around and walked out, leaving the small group of people to build their own opinions about him.
This was my fault so I couldn't just let him go. 

Ethan looked like he had wanted to punch someone. I needed to make sure he didn't do that to some innocent person.

By now, he was halfway down the street and I had to jog to catch up with him. Maybe if I called after him, he would wait..?

"Ethan!"

He spun to face me "What?" He snapped angrily. 

I felt like I might be walking a tight rope. He was angry and I could tell he was also hurting. I didn't want to push him too far. Raising my hands, I took another step towards him. "What happened back there?" I asked softly. I needed him to tell me what was on his mind before I could do anything to help. 

"You know what happened. You pressured me into that stupid game. And now everyone in there thinks I was reckless. Now everyone is going to look at me like some freak!" With each word, Ethan's words grew louder. Pretty soon he would be yelling. 

Hopefully it didn't come to that.

And sure, the group found out about how the accident happened but didn't mean they would think badly of him. I was a bit surprised at hearing he cared about what they think. He didn't seem like one to care what anyone thought about him.

I needed to get him to see that he was just being ridiculous. "Is that what this is about? You're worried about what everyone will think? I understand that you're upset-"

He cut me off to say something that sent a pain into my chest. "No, you don't! You couldn't possibly understand. Eugene, I only care about what they were saying because it was true! The accident was my fault" he began running his hands into his hair, something I realize he did when he was upset. 

I didn't know what to say so for a moment, I stood there with my mouth just hanging open. He wasn't finished yet. "It's my fault the car crashed and now Brian is dead-" 

Ethan's voice cut off. It sounded like he wanted to cry and that just made the ache grow bigger. He had all that hate for himself. No one deserves to hate themself or blame themself like he seems to. Not even a murderer, and Ethan isn't a murderer. 

"Ethan" I whispered, sympathy thick in my voice as I took a step closer. He shook his head at me as if he was done with the conversation. He turned and began walking off.

I wasn't going to let what I just heard go so fast. 

Calling his name again didn't help. If anything, it only made him speed up. Ethan ran towards the forest.

The average person would let Ethan run off but I was stubborn and I was trying to be his friend. Whether he liked it or not. "He's going to make this difficult though" I finished my thoughts in a low mutter.

Soon I was full-on running after him. "Ethan!" I yelled, though it was obvious that wasn't going to do much.

I fell into silence, kicking it into full gear as soon I was on his tracks.

He must have thought I had given up because he turned around to see if I was there. Not only was I there, but I was a few feet away.

Unable to stop properly, I slid and crashed right into him and we hit the ground with a grunt.

Ethan was under me, seemingly out of breath but that's understandable considering he wasn't active at the moment in sports. 

I slowly pushed myself up into a pushup position "you going to stop running?" I rose an eyebrow, challenging him. There wasn't much he could do and it wasn't likely that he'd get away from me now.

He glared up at me but at this point, I was used to his glares "get off of me." He ordered and tried to push me off. 

That was not happening. 

In seeing that I wasn't letting him go, he forced me into fighting for dominance. In a different context this would have been amusing. Finally, I got ahold of his hands and pinned them down on either side of is head.

"There is no way I'm leaving you alone after what I just heard," I said after a moment, worry written in my features. "You believe it was your fault?" Just saying those words made my heart hurt.

"Let me go" he attempted weakly. 

I didn't. "I'm not letting you go" I whispered. Ethan turned his head away but I could tell he was trying to hold back "Not until you let out all that emotion you've been holding in"
At my words, he crumbled.

The tears started small. Just little streaks on his cheeks but those turned into painful sobs. 

He had been holding all this in for so long. He was stronger than he knew but I don't think anyone noticed either.

I held him as he sobbed, his body shaking under mine. He felt so frail. As if touching him the wrong way would make him shatter. He needed to know he had someone. He needed that bit of comfort he probably hadn't had in a long time.

So I pulled him closer, keeping him in a tight embrace. He didn't fight it. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, I pulled him into my lap.

His tears stained my shirt but it was just a piece of fabric. It wasn't important. Rubbing his back, I was trying to help soothe him. If I'm being honest, I didn't want to let go, but after a bit of time, he calmed down enough to stop crying.

I didn't say anything yet. I wanted him to gather his thoughts. I knew he needed the chance to settle his mind and I didn't plan on going anywhere so he could take his time.