Be My Addiction

31 • Are You Gay?

Ethan

Last night was incredible. The entire day was. Eugene had given me a wonderful present and kissed me in my front yard. I may be skipping a few details but the point is, he kissed me. 

Can you believe it? 

I spent months crushing over him and finally, finally he kisses me. 

And to add even more greatness to my day, when I got inside, there was a little present for me on the kitchen table. There was a double chocolate slice of cake from a bakery nearby and a box. Inside, it was filled with little pins you could get at hot topic. 

I had a little gay fit over some of the pins. One of them saying, “Not today Satan” and another saying “Can you not”. I loved the types of pins that were relatable in the sense that you could say, “Oh this one represents what it feels like to be trash, I relate to in on a spiritual level” kind of way as well as the overly sassy ones. 

I’m pretty sure mom and dad just grabbed a handful of the pins but I wasn’t going to complain, I loved them.

It’s safe to say I went to bed happy.

By morning though, I had woken up and grown a bit nervous. Eugene kissed me but what did that mean for us? Did he consider it a mistake, did he regret it? 

I needed to know.

Today I had work but I had some time before I needed to head there. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my phone. I didn’t have any messages so I knew I would have to initiate this. Clicking on his contact, I began to text Gene.

Me: Hey can we talk?

Me: About last night?

Me: About us?

Resisting the urge to spam him more, I set the phone down and moved to get ready. After taking a shower, I pulled on my black skinny jeans and a grey band shirt before pulling on a jacket. I put a few pins on the bag and also attached some to my beanie, which I also put on after I sorta styled my hair. 

Checking my phone, I noticed he did respond. 

Gene: Yeah, we need to. Can I pick you up?

I bit my lip, knowing that would involve a vehicle.

Me: Yeah

He sent a smiley face and I took that as two things. He was trying to break any sort of tension and I knew he was probably happy to be able to drive his car to come get me. He’s been very patient with me about not driving. I needed to try it out.

In a few minutes, I heard a light honk of a horn. I pulled on my shoes and left the house, locking the doors behind me. I did my best to build up my courage before I jumped in the car. Eugene gave me a soft smile and waited until I buckled before he drove us to the cafe. The car ride was short and a little awkward due to the silence. 

He parked and we headed inside. The silence continued until we had ordered our food. I had ordered french toast and hashbrowns. Gene ordered a BLT with an egg and a side of hashbrowns too.

“So..” I began, “Are you gay?”

Gene chuckled at my bluntness, “Straight to the point, I see.” He teased.

My cheeks inflamed with embarrassment, “Well, are you?”

He sat back in the chair, thinking for a moment, “I think I’m bi. But I don’t feel like going by any terms right now.” His eyes searched mine, “What about you?”

All I could do was shrug. I still had no idea. “I don’t know. I could be gay, pan, bi.. I’m not sure.”

“So the kiss..”

Finally. He brought up the question and memory that’s been flashing through my mind on a loop.

I spoke my thoughts, “Do you regret it? Was it just a ‘spur in the moment’ action?”

He shook his head, setting me at ease. “It was more of a last-minute decision but I had been wanting to do it for a little while now, and I didn’t regret it.” He said with a seemingly shy demeanor. He rubbed the back of his neck and, was it, a blush I saw?

“And what about you?” He directed towards me, “Do you regret it?”

“Definitely not,” I confirm with a rather bland expression. He and I both knew I was trying to keep my cool but the blush in my cheeks gave me away. I decided to bite the bullet, “so now, we need to decide what this means for us..”

 Gene nodded and thought for a moment before speaking, “I.. I like you.”

“I like you, too” He seemed relieved, “So, are we going to try this..?”

He smiled and nodded, “I’d like that.”

“Me too” I couldn’t help but smile back. I can’t believe we were trying this.

Gene returned to seriousness, “I am totally happy being with you and all, but, can we wait before we are out to the school? I’m not ready..” He directed his gaze to the table, seemingly ashamed.

“Of course,” I said softly and briefly touched his hand, “we can take as long as you need.” That seemed to brighten him up again because he smiled at me and nodded.

With seriousness aside, we dug into our food and talked. By the time it was time for me to go to work, we were laughing and messing around. Gene offered to give me a ride, which I accepted.

He dropped me off and I was smiles for days. 

Gosh, he’s such a dork.