Eternity on Paper [COMPLETE]

The Confession

Trigger Warning: Suicide.

***

The ringing in my ears was incessant, as was the shooting pain that enveloped my body. I wasn't that heavy of a person, yet I somehow managed to dent in the roof of the car beneath me. As a result, the vehicle's anti-theft alarm was blaring endlessly, making me even more irritated that I hadn't died on impact.

Why hadn't I died on impact?

I was dying, the way all feeling was slowly leaving my body accompanied by the red flowing out of me left little doubt about that. But it wasn't happening fast enough. I was still thinking, and that was the worst part.

My eyes were locked upward, centered upon the deep blue sky and the marshmallow white clouds that populated it. Sickeningly beautiful.

Twelve years. That's how long me and her had been friends. And for every millisecond of our time spent together, I knew that I loved her. There was no question, not a single one.

She really was quite sick, but so was I. That's what drew me to her. We were both two broken souls rejected by the world. A pair of bad eggs never meant to hatch.

Neither of us were meant for anything in life, but I didn't need anything else, only her. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on her.

When we were together, I felt powerful enough to crush the sun between my fingers. When I looked at her, my brain flooded with forbidden knowledge. And when I held her... I died a million deaths and was reborn again.

But there would be no resurrection this time.

This is it, I thought. I couldn't stand one more second knowing that she wasn't mine.

It was the right moment to make official what had already been. After all, she had told me that I was the light in her life. I made it all worth it for her, she said. She said so many things...

I asked her up to the roof—of course I did. The absent god would be forced to bear witness to my declaration of forever.

She stood before me, her presence shrinking me. I found the words hiding within and released them with all the elegance of a wounded dove's glide.

"Ew," she responded. "I could never love you; you know that. Not like this."

Whatever I said in reply didn't matter. My ears didn't catch it, and it made no difference either way. She turned and left me there, that was what mattered.

I thought her words killed me, but they didn't. Jumping off the roof a minute later didn't either, apparently.

A shadow cast over my increasingly heavy body, and my cracked, bleeding skull had been lifted and laid upon something much softer than the metal it had sullied.

It was her. She sat on the smashed car with my head laid in her lap as she gently stroked my hair. Even through blurred vision I could discern the calm expression upon her features.

"You look so beautiful right now," she said, gently.

My lips tried to mouth something, but her soft palm smothered them.

"This is the only way I could love you. This is the only way anyone could ever love you." She continued to stroke my hair. "You made me feel good about myself. You made me feel wanted and supported, that's all I ever needed from you. But looking at you like this... this is what forever looks like."

She paused to sigh peacefully and stole a glance at the carnage that I had become.

"I'll always remember this, and I'll always remember you now. Thank you for living in the moment with me. Now, please, go to sleep."

On cue, my eyes began to shut until I could no longer see anything.

Once again, I thought that her words killed me. But they didn't.

I was never really alive at all.