𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTOR 04: ROSE

The world was ending—there must’ve been an apocalypse outside, I forgot to watch the news today so it must’ve been it—or I must’ve been dreaming because what I just heard leave Ryan’s lips could not be true.

I was wondering if you are free tomorrow night, you could accompany me.. as my date.

The words echoed in my head, especially my date part. We’ve attended some events together as a couple but we stopped after few events. After that he never asked me to accompany and I never asked him. I usually spent those nights watching movies, reading, spending time with my friends or Sarah.

I wasn’t upset, I liked being alone and hanging out with my friends besides me and Ryan didn’t make any conversation except exchanging few sentences but he shocked me tonight at dinner by asking me about my day. Ryan was respectful towards me, he has always helped me but we never talked like friends—or couples—it almost felt like we were business partners, he always talked to me in his professional voice, I tried so hard trying to find the ‘inside Ryan’ but I always failed but maybe one day I’ll succeed and—

“Rose?” the firm deep voice brought me out of my thoughts and soon I realized I haven’t answered in a while. What am I suppose to say? What was I suppose to say? Probably ‘yes, I would love to accompany you’ but somehow those words weren’t coming out my mouth.

The only thing that did came out of my mouth was gibberish which made Ryan frown trying to figure what I just said. I cleared my throat and stood straight before saying “I mean, I would love to accompany you,” I gave him a small smile hoping for a smile in return but he only nodded. Of course he would.

“I’ll come home early tomorrow. The event starts at 6:30, the drive there is almost of 30 minutes so we need to leave at 6. Sharp.” He said

I nodded “How should I dress?”

“however you want,” a pause before he added “you look beautiful in everything you wear.”

His words warmed my cheeks, I swear he saw pink in my cheeks because I saw the side of lips curl into an almost mocking smile. He soon left and the room felt empty without his presence.

I was going to attend another event with him after months. He wasn’t usually in the city, he took business trips every month and left for days so I was alone at home most of the time. There were few events we attended together which were after we got married.

As far as I remembered, we attended 2 of his business events. One being an opening ceremony of one of his buildings in a new city and other being a meetup of all business-rich-looking people.

We spent both of those separately, I talked to some of his business’ friends’ wives or fiancé while he talked business with his business friends. Our night always ended good, we never got too drunk to do anything stupid and even if we did, we knew how to handle ourselves—although, I didn’t trust myself so I tried my best not to get drunk whenever possible.

I cleaned the dining table and washed the dirty dishes before turning off all the lights downstairs and heading upstairs to my bedroom.

I walked in the empty bedroom. Ryan worked after having dinner so I had time to do my skin care and change into my PJs.
I walked to my dressing table and took off my jewelry—rings, bracelet, earrings—I liked dressing up, it was my favorite part of the day, I used to play dress up with my mom when I was younger. She would buy me dresses and jewelries, we’d do each other’s hair—she would do a better job every time—we’d wear dresses, show it to my dad and he’d compliment us.

“Dad! Look! Mom and I wore matching dresses!” I’d twirl around in my floral dress. I loved twirling the way princesses did in movies.

Dad would chuckle “you both look beautiful, sweetheart.” His eyes would move to mom, her cheeks would turn pink as they locked their eyes.

Their love was the kind I read about in books and watched in movies. Without saying a word, dad would make mom smile, their stare would be so full of love, nobody dared to interrupt them.

A weak smile touched my lips at the memory of my parents being in love. I placed down my bracelet carefully on the table—the bracelet my mom gifted me when I turned 13, the last birthday I celebrated with her before she died…

Tears stuck at the back of my throat at the memory my dad came home that night from the hospital.

Mom got into an accident while driving back home, me and dad were preparing dinner when he got the call. He rushed to the hospital. it had been more than 2 hours and dad still didn’t call.

I was pacing around the room, what could’ve happened? Was mom okay? Will dad bring her mom? Will I ever… see her again?

Tears stuck in the back of my throat, I was scared, I didn’t want to loose mom, I couldn’t loose her, she promised she would never let me loose her.

I clutched my bracelet tightly, pacing around the room, praying for dad to come home with mom.

My head jerked towards the front door when I heard the door knob turn. Dad walked in… without mom… dried tears stained his cheeks. He was crying…

He didn’t look up at me, he silently closed the door “Dad?” my voice cracked “w-where’s mom?” he stayed silent for a beat before he locked eyes with me.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered as his eyes teared up, my world broke down, I knew what he meant.

I covered my mouth to silent my sobs, I closed my eyes and sobbed. Dad soon hugged and I cried in his arms. She was gone… I lost her…

“Rose!” the deep voice startle me, I came back to reality to find emerald eyes watching full with worry, panic. How long was I zoned out for? “I’ve been calling your name for the past 20 minutes, why weren’t you answering?” his voice was gentle but I could see I scared him.

“sorry” I whispered, that was the only word which came out of my mouth. He released his grip of my shoulders

“what happened?” his voice was calm, soft. I shook my head

“nothing. I just…” a pause “I just remembered something..” I never zoned out in Ryan’s presence, he didn’t know about my sudden zone out sessions and he was never present in the room when I did zone out. “Are you done with your work?” I looked around the room to find something he might’ve forgotten that’s why he came in the room.

“yes,” he sighed “are you sure you’re okay?”

I turned my head towards to find those same emerald eyes watching me with worry. I never saw him like that, he never showed any emotion towards anyone.

I nodded “yes, I’m okay, don’t worry” I watched as his shoulders relaxed. We stood there in silence till I decided to move and take my clothes and head to the bathroom.

What I saw moments ago was… unbelievable. I never saw Ryan show any emotion towards anyone but the way the heat in his eyes told that he was worried about me because I didn’t answer him…
Something unsettling set in my stomach. No, it couldn’t be. He cared about me, it had nothing do with any of his feelings towards me… we didn’t have feelings towards each other and I’ve gotten tired trying to make a lovable relationship between us. Ryan wasn’t interested in me… I should stop hoping he would.