𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTER 39: ROSE

Watching Bree shatter after finding out the truth about our marriage, broke me.

She loves Ryan but now she won't even talk to him. He tried calling her but she ignored him. He tried calling me, I turned off my phone. The only person talking to him is Finn.

I should be upset with Finn talking to him but I'm not. For some reason, I'm relieved that Finn is still talking to Ryan so that Ryan still has someone.

Bree will understand and forgive Ryan. She can't live without him, she can't risk loosing another brother and I don't want Ryan to loose another sibling.

It's been 3 days since the incident took place. Bree's been more caring than ever. She checks up on me every hour and I noticed she's not the same.

Ever since she found out the truth, she lost her spark. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes anymore, she's more concerned about everyone's surroundings, she talks more quietly.

I wish I could help her. I wish I could change what happened. I wish Ryan had loved me for real.

I don't leave my room that much, Bree brings food upstairs even though I've told her countless times I don't feel hungry.

I don't feel anything anymore.

I hate myself. I hate that I couldn't see through Ryan's plan. I hate that I fell in love with him blindly. I hate that I still want him.

I came back from my thoughts when a knock came on my door.

"Come in." I said.

Bree walked in and smiled which didn't reach her eyes.

"Hey," she said softly as she closed the door behind her "how are you feeling?"

"Numb." I said

Bree's eyes got filled with tears in a second and I wanted to take back what I said.

Bree cleared her throat and sat on the bed beside me.

"Um, I need to talk to you about something" Bree said, nervously playing with her hands.

"Yeah?" I said

"Um.. you know how you told me that.. that you have to find a new place for yourself?" She asked, looking down at her hands

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Uh, I was thinking.. what if.. you don't?"

"Huh?"

She sighs and looks up at me.

"Don't move out. You can live with me and Finn. And this way, you'll be closer to Sarah."

I stare at her.

I want to take it. I want to stay with Bree but I don't want things to be awkward. I can't be a burden on them.

"That's really sweet, Bree." I said, trying my best to give her a reassuring smile "I wish, I could. But it would be better if I move out."

"Oh..okay..I guess." She looks down at her hands again.

I hear her sniff before she wipes her eyes.

"Bree?" I say "why are you crying?"

"You're going to leave."

"Yeah-"

"You won't talk to me." Her voice cracks.

"What- what are you talking about?"

She looks up at me again, this time with tears rolling down her eyes.

"If you move out, you won't talk to me again." She says as a sob releases her mouth "you won't see me because everytime I will remind you of Ryan and how he hurt you-" another broken sob releases her mouth.

"Bree-" my voice cracks at her name.

"I'm so sorry." She continues sobbing "I'm so sorry, I was scared something might happen. I just wanted Ryan to have someone. I never thought he'd hurt you." Her body shakes with another sob "I'm so sorry."

My eyes sting with tears.

I hate that Bree thinks it's her fault. It's not her fault at all. Never have been. She always wanted the best for us.

I had never blamed her for any inconvenience between me and Ryan. She has always looked out for me even after I was married and I told her multiple times not to worry.

Bree buries her face into her hands, sobbing.

"Bree- Oh my God, Bree." I say, getting close to her, I rub her back, trying to calm her "Bree, it's not your fault. It never was. Don't blame yourself for what happened."

"But you'll leave." She says, her voice muffled

"That doesn't mean I will forget about you- honey, you're my best friend. You came first before Ryan. You mean so much to me."

She finally lifts her head. I wipe her tears

"Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault." I say

"I hate Ryan." Bree whispers

I give her a sad smile

"You can't." I whisper "you can't hate him. You love him."

She groans annoyingly.

I pull her into a hug, she hugs back.

"I hate that I love him." Bree says

"Don't say that. You mean so much to Ryan." I say

"But he hurt you. I love you so much."

I smile weakly "I know.. I love you too.." I pull away "but please don't push Ryan out of your life. He already blames himself for loosing Jack. He'll die if you throw him out."

Bree stares at me with her eyes filled with unshed tears.

I know Bree loves Ryan. She wants to talk to him but she's not just because of me.

I look down and hold her hand.

I look up at her when I say

"Things are going to be a little different. Me and Ryan might not be able to stay in the same room but..that doesn't mean we love you any less or you should think that you have to throw one of us out of your life." I say "Ryan is your older brother. He has spent most of his life trying to protect you. He will be devastated if he lost another sibling. Especially you, you're probably his favorite."

At this, Bree laughs.

My heart lightens.

"Jack would be so mad at you if he heard this." She says

I chuckle "don't worry, he knows you're his favorite."

Bree looks down smiling weakly.

She takes a deep breath and traces on my bedsheets.

"I don't hate Ryan.. I just.. I was really happy when he told me that he loves you." She says "he was smiling so much when he told us about your honeymoon that.. that I thought he really is in love."

My heart starts aching.

"It's impossible for me to think that his smile that day was fake.." Bree stares into a distance "for some reason... I want all this to be a nightmare."

My eyes sting with heavy tears as I stare at Bree.

Ryan never told me that he talked about our honeymoon with Finn and Bree. I didn't think he told anyone since it was fake.

A knot ties in my stomach as hope grows inside me.

A hope that this all could be fake.

A hope which could destroy me.