𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTER 15: RYAN

I'm too tired to argue with Rose. I'm taking the stupid treatment.

But I know if it doesn't work, I'm dying before the surgery is even completed.

That scares Rose. She's trying her best not to think about it but I can see the tension on her face. She's more worried than anyone.

We haven't told Bree or Finn yet. Rose wanted to but I told her not to which made her even more worried. I'm on my death bed and she's the one panicking.

We talked to the doctor and he said that he'd get the operation room ready at our command and I told him to get it over with. I got a warning glance from Rose for my 'harsh' tone but I shook it off.

Now, we're in my room, few minutes before I leave either for death or another chance to live.

Rose is nervous. Even tho, I'm the one getting operated.

"Rose," I said, catching her attention "take a deep breath," she did as I said "now stop worrying,"

"You know that's something I can't control," she said

"Well, control it. I don't want you eating the doctor's brain every minute I'm gone,"

"I don't do that," I rose my eye brow "okay maybe sometimes."  She rubbed the back of her neck.

I found myself chuckling. But for some reason, I didn't try to hide it.

After our talk, 2 days ago where I admitted I blame myself for my brother's death. I find Rose's presence comforting. After that conversation, she stayed by me and listened to me without complaining. She didn't let go of my hand, her thumb kept creasing my hand while she listened attentively.

After talking to Rose, I felt light weighted and it felt.. nice. I didn't tell her everything, of course. We both talked about Jack.

Jack was one of her best friend as well, they both always flirted for fun and everyone shipped them. Even Bree.

My jaw hardened. Am I.. jealous? I shouldn't be. They only flirted for fun and they never liked each other in that manner beside she's mine now.

She's not.

The inner voice taunted me.

I let out a noticable sigh.

"What's wrong?" Rose said, sitting by my bed as I stared at the ceiling

"Nothing just... These next few hours will determine whether I live or die." I chuckled "never thought this would happen,"

After Rose didn't say anything, I tilted my head to find her playing with her engagement ring.

"Rose," I said

"Hm?" She said without looking up.

I hesitated before I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "Stop worrying,"

"I told you-"

"I know.. I know but still, you have to be strong, you can't only expect the good outcome to happen," I said and as much as it stings, it's true and she knows it. "You have to be ready even if the worst comes,"

"But it's so hard," her voice cracked "I don't want to expect the worst to happen. I just.. I just want something to be of good instead of stabbing me with something I didn't expect."

I stayed quiet. This is hard for her. Every death that happened in her life was unexpected and she wasn't ready for any of it.

Her mom.

Jack.

Her dad.

And possibly now me.

We stayed quiet for a while till she controlled her breathing. After her breaths evened, she wiped her tears and stood up. We both stayed quiet staring at each other.

My eyes traced down her features. Green eyes. Long Lashes. Perfect nose. Perfect jawline. My eyes stopped at her tinted lips.

The last time I tasted those lips was at our wedding day, they were soft and tasted sweet as honey. Only if I could taste them again.

We broke eye contact when the doctor entered. I sighed and pushed away all my previous thoughts.

In the next coming hours, either I will meet Jack or Rose.