𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTER 14: ROSE

What I feared happened. Ryan's health is worse. He has lost a ton of blood. By the time we reached the hospital, he was barely breathing. The doctors rushed him into an emergency room and put an oxygen mask on him so that he could breath properly.

While he was in the room, the doctor took me outside to talk.

"I'm afraid, Mr Hartford needs the treatment. If it gets too late, we can't help him." The doctor said.

I rubbed my arm nervously. I want to take the treatment. I don't want him suffering. As much as he admits that he's fine, I know he's not.

I've done things in my life for which I'm suppose to be punished, Rose.

I don't know what Ryan has done which made him confess it. I don't care what he did because it's in the past. I care too much about him to let him suffer like this. And I meant what I said.

It doesn't matter what he has done in the past. He can forgive himself by simply helping others and forgetting what he did. People need to move on.

"I'll try to talk him into taking it," I said.

"Sooner he gets it, the better," the doctor said

I nodded "yes. Thank you, doctor."

"Of course,"

After he went away, I turned towards Ryan's room and quietly turned the knob of the door.

I entered the room quietly. Ryan was sleeping, the oxygen mask wasn't on his face anymore. The room was silent except the sound of the monitor beeping and Ryan's breaths.

I sat beside his bed and the conversation from earlier flashed through my mind.

I don't deserve people caring about me,

It hurts me that Ryan think he doesn't deserve people's care. I've never seen anyone except Bree and Finn worrying about Ryan. Even with them, Ryan always pushed them away and said that he was fine but whenever it came to Bree or even Finn, he would get so worked up.

At first when I met him, I had the same thought as everyone else, that's he's mean, cruel and doesn't have a heart. But after some time, I came to realize that Ryan does have a heart. Everyone does. Some show it and some keep it locked away.

Ryan has a beautiful and caring heart. He doesn't show it because he doesn't want people to misuse it. He has a soft spot for the people he loves and I've seen it through the years.

No matter what happens, I promised Bree and myself that I'll take care of Ryan and I'm not walking away from it.

-----♡-----

Ryan took a good 2 hour nap. After he woke up, we both didn't talk much. I didn't tell him yet what the doctor said. I bought him lunch because I don't want him to eat hospital food. I don't trust hospital cafeteria-- do they even have one?

"What did the doctor say?" Ryan's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him, he was playing with his food. Separating rice and peas.

"The doctor said that you need the treatment as soon as possible," I said, he let out a sigh "your health is getting worst,"

He let out a 'hmm' sound. I was ready to argue with him to take the treatment.

"And if I take the treatment," he said "what happens then?"

"They'll operate a surgery on you. To find what's wrong and remove whatever it is that's affecting you,"

He paused then turned his head towards me. "And?"

"And what?" I asked, confused.

"What else, Rose?"

What does he mean?

"I don't understand.." I started

"You're keeping a part away from me. You're not telling me something."

The realization soon hit me. I found myself tearing up. I quickly looked away from Ryan and stared at my hands placed on my lap.

"I don't want to say it," that's what came out of my mouth.

"Rose," he said "Rose, look at me," I didn't "please,"

Somehow, that 'please' made me lift my head and lock eyes with him again.

"Either you tell me or not, we know that the surgery will bring consequences.." he said "and no one is to blame but me."

"Let's not think about the consequences. Why do you always focus on the negative?"

"We live in a world where everything works if you think negatively." A pause "you get satisfied when the outcome is positive but your thinking was negative. You're upset because the outcome was negative but your thinking was positive."

"It doesn't always have to happen that way, Ryan. Things happen for the best, whether your thinking is negative or positive." I said

He broke eye contact and looked away from me, towards the room window. I looked down at my hands.

I was about to get up and leave to give Ryan a moment to think when he said "you know why I hate hospitals?"

I looked up, he wasn't facing me, his head was. "Why?" I asked.

"Because it reminds me of the night Jack died,"

My heart dropped. Jack.

"I felt so useless that night. I wanted to switch lives with Jack just so that he could live because he deserved to." He continued

I stayed quiet. He turned back his head towards the food placed on his lap.

"He asked me to go out with him that night but I denied," he said "just imagine, if I would've been a good brother for one second and agreed to go with him, he would've lived." He gripped his spoon tighter as if stopping himself to do something bad to him.

I didn't know what to do but I found myself reaching for Ryan's hand, I hesitated thinking he'd pull away but after he didn't, I allowed myself to take his hand and hold it.

"You didn't know what was suppose to happen that night," my voice was a whisper "you can't keep blaming yourself for this. Jack would've never blamed you." He closed his eyes tightly. I interlocked my fingers with his and brought his hand towards my cheek to let him know that I was here. To let him know that I wouldn't leave him. To let him know I'll do whatever I can to protect him.