𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTER 13: RYAN

I pulled another all-nighter.

After talking to Rose and her confession about why she cares about me so much, I couldn't face her again. Instead, I spent the whole night in my study room, scared she'd come in my dreams if I sleep.

You're scared of a girl. When was the last time this happened?

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. I glanced at the small bag placed on the dashboard.

Another reason I couldn't sleep was because I felt guilty of making Rose upset. As much as I appreciate she cares about me, I need to tell her that she doesn't have to worry about anything. I'll be fine the way I am.

I bought her a gift as an apology and this also says 'stop worrying about me.'

I parked the car in the driveway and grabbed the bag, I walked out of the car and shut the door.

I told Rose that I was going out to run errands but I went to get a gift.

As I walked towards the door, I realized how many gifts I've given her before but she denied all of them.

She better accept this one.

There's a reason, I want her to accept this gift and keep it. I'm not even sure what the reason is.

I walked in the house and found Rose sitting on the sofa with her legs up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees holding the remote, resting her chin on her knee.

Her head turned towards me when I closed the door.

We both froze with our eyes locked.

"Home so soon?" She asked then spotted the bag in my hand "Do you mind me asking what's that?"

"It's for you," I said as I walked up to her and held out the bag.

She sat frozen, studying the bag.

"Why?" She asked and looked up at me.

Why does she asks so many questions?

"Would you take it for once?" I said

She looked at the bag again then finally took it. She turned as her back faced me and opened the bag while sitting crossed legged.

I walked across the couch as she took out a black box and opened it.

The box contained a pearl necklace. Bree always talked how Rose loved pearl jewelries and I've seen her wear a lot of pearl.

She looked up at me "why did you bring this?"

"It's a gift," I started "so that you know, you don't have to keep worrying about me. I'm fine and even if I don't look fine, I will be."

She looked back at necklace and after few moments closed the box "thank you but no," she placed the box back in the bag and put the bag on the table "worrying about someone isn't some kind of order that you'll stop doing it just bcz you said so," she said looking at me "it's a feeling that comes naturally to someone and is it so bad that I care about you?"

"Yes it is"

"Why?"

"Because I don't deserve people caring about me," I said, her face softened "I've done things in my life for which I'm suppose to be punished, Rose. I'm not scared of death. Everyone has to die one day--"

"Ryan, what you did doesn't matter. It was in the past," said Rose "what matters is what you do now. Death isn't your punishment. You could help people as an act of asking for forgiveness."

Her words echoed in the room.

How do I tell her that what I did was unforgivable? The people I killed. The hearts I broke. Even being married to her wasn't suppose to happen. I'm ruining her life. Despite everything, she still thinks the good in me...

My words got stuck in my throat and I choked. I coughed and covered my mouth.

"Oh my God, Ryan!" Rose rushed towards me. My vision started to blur, I pulled my hand away from my mouth to find out I coughed up blood "oh my God..."

"Shit" I cursed

"We need to go to the hospital," Rose said, grabbing her car keys

"No, we don't, I'm fine--" my stomach kicked and I fell onto my knees

What the hell? It hurts.

"Ryan!- come on, we're going."

Despite wanting to deny, I couldn't talk so I let her take me wherever she wanted.