𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTOR 11: RYAN

I have hematemesis.

Perfect.

I’m going to die.

Rose is making this a big deal. I’ve thrown up blood 3 times in the past month and I’m still alive.

Yet you still went because of her.

Yet I still went because of her…

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. No one has ever told me what to do. I don’t even do doctor visits, the only time I’ve seen this place is when Bree or Jack were hurt. Rose knew she couldn’t push me to do something but still she told me to go to the hospital and I did. I didn’t even argue. Was I tired? No, I was sleepy. I could easily argue with her but I didn’t want to… she was worried, I didn’t want to hurt her.

“why the hell didn’t you go to the hospital the first time you threw up blood?” Rose gritted out.

Fierce.

I looked at her while sitting on the bed. She was standing so she looked taller than me and she was pinning me with a glare.

“I don’t understand why it’s a big deal,” I said

“are you insane? You could die!”

“I couldn’t care less,” my reply took her by surprise. Although it shouldn’t. we both stared at each other. She opened her mouth to say something but we got interrupted when the doctor walked.

“alright, sorry for the wait,” he said, we both straightened and Rose turned to him.

“is everything okay?” she asked, her voice was trembling, I glanced over at her and saw she was chewing on her bottom lip.

She’s nervous.

“well, the reports had made it clear,” he said, I brought my attention back to him “you do have hematemesis.” He said.

“um, is there any treatment?” Rose asked

“yes, actually. We could get it started ri-“

“no, thank you,” I cut off the doctor and stood up, Rose and  the doctor looked at me, I shoved my hands in my pocket “I’ll be fine.”

“uh, this is serious. I’d recommend you take the treatment.” The doctor said

“I don’t want to,” I said, pinning him with a hard glare. He swallowed

“Ryan,” Rose said, I looked towards her and she was furious “what’s so wrong with getting the treatment?”

“I don’t want to get it. I’m fine.” I replied

“he’s the doctor. Not you.”

My jaw clenched “I’m leaving. If you want to come then walk with me or else I’m leaving you here,” I said and exited the room.

Who is she to tell me what to do? Who is she to glare at me? Who the fuck is she to get upset with me? Why the fuck is she even worrying about this? This is my shit.
I didn’t hear footsteps following me as I walked down the hallway without looking back.

Rose didn’t come after me.

Go back.

My inner voice said, my shoulder tensed. i’m not going back in that room, she thinks she can control me.

Go back. You’re not leaving her here.
I passed by the reception with my hands fisted in my pocket.

Go back, Ryan.

I stopped walking as I exited from the hospital door. I closed my eyes and released a heavy breath.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why the fuck isn’t Rose out?

I started tapping my shoes.

5 more minutes then I’m leaving.

I took out my hand and looked at my watch. Come on. I shoved my hands back in my pocket.

4 more minutes…

Fuck it.

I turned and bursted back in just when Rose came out with her arms crossed, she stopped when she spot me and….

She’s mad.

I can tell she’s annoyed. I guess I was mean…

She walked past me out the door before I said a word.

I walked after her and she didn’t stop walking towards the car. Without saying a word or making an eye contact, we drove home.

I usually like the silence we sit in. its comfortable but this time, it wasn’t so relaxing. The road kept getting longer and it looked impossible to reach home. He atmosphere was uncomfortable and I felt… guilty.