Until The End

The Talk

Serene went back to Ilocos after the chaos happened. She did not reply to any messages that were sent by her family. She knew she needed to find herself first before facing them again. She made gala all by herself. She experienced things she never did, ate something she never tasted.

She became independent because of everything that happened. She even went to Baguio all by herself just to hike a mountain. That's how she kept herself distracted. 

It's been 3 months since the chaos happened,  she's in Sarrat Church, where her parents got married. She was in the middle pew chair, sitting, and just staring at somewhere. She was just talking to God.

She's gonna lie if she'll tell that her faith wasn't slowly fading away because of every circumstance in her life.

"Lord, it's me again, Serene. I'm here again. Naguguluhan na po ako sa dapat kong gawin. Gusto ko na po bumalik sa Manila kaso natatakot po ako na masaktan ulit. Pagod na pagod na po ako. Hindi ko po alam kung ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin, gulong gulo na po talaga ako. Dapat na po ba akong bumalik sa manila? Or do I still need to find myself and heal? I'll lie if I won't admit that I miss my parents. Miss na miss ko na po mommy ko pero mas nasasakatan po ako pag nakikita ko siya. What should i do? Please. Please guide me." She silently prayed and cried.

She misses to be home. She misses her home. 

As she stepped outside the church, her feet somehow brought her to the place where she and Irene would always have their good quality time. A hidden place where Irene and Greggy will be meeting secretly. Where they grew up. A hidden place full of love and happiness.

Serene sat and felt the refreshing wind. Memories flashed back, which made her smile. Indeed, her happiest will always be with her mother. As she savored her alone time, she wrote something in her diary. Her best friend.

...

Dear Diary,

I'm here in Ilocos. Exactly where my happiest memories are made. Kamusta na kaya sina Mommy? Is she angry? Is she disappointed? Well, I am. I am disappointed in myself. Hindi ko naman alam na aabot kami sa ganito ni Mommy eh. Am I selfish for choosing myself to heal? Is healing linear isn't? Why can't I feel it? Tama pa ba yung ginagawa kong pagtakas sa mga problema ko? Kasi mas lalong nasakit eh. Mas lalo akong nasasaktan. Bakit? Bakit unfair saamin yung mundo. Dahil ba Alvante - Beltran ako? Bakit ako nadadamay sa gulo nila kung wala naman akong kinalaman sa galit nila? Bakit ako nadadamay sa mga kasalanan na hindi ko naman ginawa? Ganoon ba ka unfair ang mundo? Ang buhay? Sana... Sana kung mabuhay man ako ulit, sana hayaan na ako ng mundo na makasama yung Mommy ko na hindi kami nasasaktan Na hindi na niya ako itatago. Na hindi na kami ginugulo ng mga tao. Sana sa susunod na buhay, magiging masaya na ako sa piling ng aking ina.

- Serenity

...

As she closed another page of her diary, she smiled. Mapupuno na ang diary niya. Sana, sana kapag napuno ito ay sa pinaka huling pahina nito ay masaya na siya. She placed her diary back in her bag and savored the wind. As she enjoys her time, someone hugged her from behind. With its scent, she knows who it is.

"Mama." she whispered. 

Imee kissed her hair and sat beside her niece.

"Naabutan din kita dito, Venice." Imee said.

"Venice talaga? Stick with Vens, please." Imee smirked.

"Nagtago na nga ako, naabutan mo pa ko." Serene added.

"Binigyan lang kita ng time, Vens. I know you needed that."

"I did, Mama. It felt good." Serene smiled.

"Are you ready to go back in Manila?" Imee looked at her.

"I don't know. Kasi... Kasi wala pang rason para bumalik ako." Serene smiled bitterly.

"Hindi ba sapat na rason si Irene?"

"Naguguluhan ako." Serene bowed her head and hugged her knees.

"Saan?" 

"Sa nangyayari saamin ni Mommy. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan niya ako itago. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan namin umabot sa ganitong punto na nagkakasakitan na kami. Hindi pa ba sapat, Mama? Hindi pa ba sapat yung sakit?"

"Pareho kayong nasasaktan, anak. Hindi niyo ma aayos yan kung hindi kayo maguusap at patuloy ninuong tatakbuhan ang problema niyo."

"Wala naman akong ibang choice tita eh. Kung hindi takbuhan silang lahat."

"Meron anak. Meron kang choice. Yun ay pakinggan at intindihin si Mommy mo."

"Lagi nalang ba ako? Ano po bang nangyari? Sabihan niyo naman po ako kasi mababaliw na ako kakaisip ano ba talaga nangyari."

"It's not my story to tell, Serene."

"Please, please, Mama. Maawa naman po kayo saakin. Para naman maintindihan ko po lahat ng nangayayari. Please."

Imee sighed. It's time. It's time for Serene to know the truth.

"May trauma si Irene. She's afraid to lose another child. Losing you will be the death of her." Imee paused.

"Alam mo ba kung bakit sobrang takot na takot si Mommy mo nung inatake siya?" Serene remained silent.

"Because she almost lost you because of them... Did you know your Mom almost lost you?" Imee asked her. Serene looked at her with awe.

"Huh? W-what do you mean tita?"

"Irene almost lost you. 5 months ka ata sa sinapupunan ng nanay mo noon. Ang plano naman talaga ay itago lang yung bump niya at ipakilala ka sa public. Kaya lang... inatake si Irene ng protesters. Dinugo siya. Maraming dugo... And we... we almost lost you... We almost lost you, Serene. K-kaya napag desisyunan nila na p-proktektahan ka... in the means of hiding you from the public..." Imee paused.

"Her cries filled up her room... Remember when she was once attacked again? She wanted to speak up to save you. But her trauma... nanguna yung trauma ng kapatid ko, anak." 

"Iilan sa kanila... Iilan sa kanila ay kasama nung inatake nila si Irene habang... habang buntis siya sayo."

"Kung alam mo lang kung paano siya umiyak nun. She told me she wanted to speak up already. She did something... She did something to those people who were cruel to you. Hindi palapatol Mommy mo pero she did filed cases to those people. If you just know how she sacrificed things just to keep you safe from the cruel people around us. Let your heart forgive. Let your ears listen to her side as you let your eyes see the things she has done for you." Imee held Serene's hand.

"Healing is linear, yes anak. But you can heal together. Your mommy is waiting for you... Araw araw ka niya hinihintay, Serenity." Imee said. And that's where Serene burst her tears. Imee hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead.

Baka tama nga. Baka dapat ngang bumalik na siya sa bisig ng kanyang ina. It's time to go home.

Author's Note:

Hi hello bye. Not proofread read!! Short update. Prepare for a longer one.