Untitled for now

Adriana

" Lets get a little more baby oil on the right cheek "
The Assisant to the photographer says and before I register what was even said I feel a warm glob being smeared onto my backside . The right cheek the Assisant was referring to just happen to be my ass . I'm laying on my stomach on top of a stiff rather itchy white blanket that's meant to look like snow . I'm currently wearing an all red bra and panty lingerie set full with garter and thigh high fish nets . To finish off the slutty mrs clause look I'm also wearing a red velvet Santa hat that matches my 6 inch red velvet heels that had to have been created by the devil himself . My dark brown hair is done up in big bouncy curls and my red lipstick has been reapplied all hue 75 times since this shoot started two and a half hours ago . The ad is for Victoria secret of course as they prepare for all the holiday season promos they'll roll out . I imagine once the pictures are edited , photo shopped , and blown up to life size proportions and plastered all over every local mall that I'll look quite pretty , sexy even which couldn't be further for what I feel in this moment . The Assisant proceeds to lather on more oil and direct me to move my freshly manicured fingers in suggestive motions and I wonder what has happened to my life . When did I lose all control of my autonomy that people feel it's perfectly normal to touch and probe at me and direct me like I'm a doll and not a person ?The thought immediately vanishes and is replaced with guilt . I've made more money this afternoon then I did working as a waitress in my hometown for an entire year. I know there are thousands of women who would call my job their dream job and would gladly replace me if I began to think that modeling was somehow a profession I deserve to complain about . I knew I should be more grateful rather then nitpicking the people around me who literal job was to touch me and make sure I looked the way the photographer wanted me too . If I'm being honest it wasn't because I didn't want to be touched . If I'm being honest it's actually the opposite . I do want to be touched . Yes on my ass . On my chest . Between my legs . I yearn to be touched . I just wanted to be touched by one person only . I don't allow my brain to even think his name let alone start to imagine his face . I shake my head as the Photogrpaher wraps up the shoot as if to physically shake the thought of him out my mind . It actually worked and I don't think of him again as I head to wardrobe . I remove the loads of make up and lashes , brush my hair out to look more wavy and less glam , and put on some sweatpants and order ride share from my phone . I might've spent the rest of the night without another thought of him as I curled up with a book at home and then proceeded to get my 8 hours of sleep but of course that's not what happened . The alert on my phone to tell me my driver was near is followed by another from the gossip app I shamefully downloaded.

" Jared Leto seen making out with actress Scarlett Johansson in popular LA restaurant "

I roll my eyes and surprise myself to feel a tear rolling down . This headline should not provoke a single emotion from me as a it's a tale as old as time . Replace the actress or City and its always the same . I almost laugh at just how predictable it is but my heart won't let me. My heart instead feels the same tug , the same pain I felt the first time I ever seen Jared with another girl. And to think that was when I was 8 years old .