Untitled for now

Adriana

" I say just put on the most slutty skirt you own ,meet me at Secrets , and we'll drink so much tequila they'll have to carry us out of there !"
Melanie says into the phone making me regret having her on speaker in the ride share .

" Secrets ? I don't know about that . I'm definitely down to drink away my sorrows with some Casa Migos but not secrets "
I say into the phone and then whisper
" Joel would be there ".
As if my ride-share driver gave a shit what I was talking about .

" Yes Secrets with bartender Joel who is totally hot and totally thinks you're hot and would totally make the perfect candidate to get you through this ridiculous slump you're in over jar-"

" do not say his name !" I say louder then I wanted to.

I lean back into my seat and suddenly feel so tired . How many days have been going unremarkably fine and then become ruined by some headline involving Jared . My best friend Melanie knew why I was calling and why my voice sounded sad before she even answered the phone . We had been down this road so many times . I'd call her while I was feeling angry and we'd plan some revenge night where I'd get drunk and finally fall in love with someone new . I'd right off into the sunset with this new man and never think about Jared again . Except that never even came close to happen . We would drink , we would flirt , and then we'd end the night in some cheap diner stuffing our faces with fries . Melanie would even postpone her inevitable booty calls for the night till see sees I'm safe in bed alone . Always alone .

I begin to feel embarrassed that Melanie is even considering having another night like this with me . I mean they are fun don't get me wrong but it has to be as frustrating for her as it is for me that I never give any guy a chance to get anywhere past flirting .
"You know what Mel ?" I say after a long pause.
"Lets go to Secrets : I would actually love to see Joel and get to know him a little more "
" Really? Okay cool because that hottie from work is going and I really wanna fuck him tonight "
I laugh and find myself jealous at how sexually free Melanie could be . She could fall in and out of love , do the dumping or be dumped herself without it stopping her from getting laid . Meanwhile I haven't been touched since ....we'll since Jared .
" You are such a whore ! I tease . " I'm about to be home so just give me sometime to shower and we'll meet at the bar ?"
" sounds like a plan! Oh and I just wanna say something before we get shitfaced.I'm really proud of you for being willing to get to know joel . I know it's not easy for you and just know there's no pressure . You're a supermodel and he's a bartender . This guy probably won't be your husband but it'll make good practice ,"
" hey !you know I'm not like that Mel . I don't care about what job they do . It's not like I fell for ...one who shall not be named because he's some rockstar . I loved him when he was just Jared . And besides I might not marry Joel but that doesn't mean I can't fuck him"
I left me Mel and the ride share all stunned a I hang up the phone and smirk to myself .I pay my ride-share who did his best not to show how amused he was at my conversation . I make my way up to my apartment and find myself in a lighter mood . Mels right . I've been so closed off to meeting anyone as If they're gonna drag me down the wedding aisle on a second date . I know who I want to end up with and I also know there's a good chance that will never happen . I have to accept this . I have to move on . I'm surprised at the fact that for the first time this thought doesn't depress me . It makes me excited . I look through my clothes and take inspiration from Mel and find my smallest skirt . I pair it with a barely there top boots and and a leather jacket . I put on some light lipstick and dark eyeliner and as I pass the mirror I find I look like a girl on a mission . A mission to get fucked .