Untitled for now

Jared

Damn it my dick is hard . I hope she doesn't feel it . We'll that's a lie . There's a part of me that completely hope she feels it . That part hopes she'll feel it and start to scoot her perfect ass against it and give me the okay to have my way with her . The better part of me is hoping it goes away .This song and dance was all too familiar . I reminded of the countless nights I snuck out of Danny's room and into hers . When  she was still only fourteen and then fifteen I was highly ashamed of the fact that my body betrayed me while holding her , I felt like the biggest pervert for being attracted to her . I know there's only a two year difference between us but the dynamic of our relationship always made me feel like I was an older brother who should have no business lusting after someone younger then me. It was only once she got a little older that our relationship finally  got to a physical level . Her sweet 16 to be exact . I really need to stop thinking about that night she gave me her virginity or this hard on is never going to go away .
After coming back into her life unexpectedly last night and causing that look of pain in her eyes , the least I can do is not wake her up in the morning with a boner against her back . All night while she rested peacefully in my arms I couldn't sleep .I was kept awake with contradicting thoughts on whether k was doing the right thing . I wanted to quote on quote " make things right" between us but how exactly was I planning on achieving that ? Did I really think my presence would be enough where she could just turn around and forgive me for everything ? I should have put more thought into this .
I can't blame her at all for not being happy to see me as much as it hurts . The last time we were together had been absolutely brutal . I was cold and closed off . I thought I was doing the right thing by downplaying my feelings for her but I wonder what damaged I caused .  All I wanted was for her to focus on her dreams and for me to focus on mine without either of us betraying the family that raised us . It has seen like the noble thing to do at the time but the past two years the memory of that night still haunts me . I thought missing her would hurt less with each success my band achieve , or that it would dull with the more beautiful women I slept with but it only intensified .
" good morning " she says still facing away from me and making no Attempt at removing herself from my boner that has not gone away and I'm sure she must feel .her voice is raspy and it only serves to make me harder
" good morning baby " I reply . Going back to calling her " baby " just came back naturally , it felt just like it did when we started calling each other baby the first time . The first time was the night we had made love . I felt like she was mine the moment I was inside her . I was hers too . Still am .
She begins to stretch and yawn and my body reacts by tightening my grip around her waist . I'm not ready for her to wake up and get out the bed . I want to hold her like this all day .
" hmmm you're happy to see me " she says finally addressing the boner in the room . She shifts so she's laying flat on her back and is able to look up at me . She's smiling .
I can't remember the last time I ever felt embarrassed in front of a girl but I feel my cheeks Redden . It's not that I'm embarrassed that I woke up with a hard on whole holding the most beautiful girl I the world . I mean I am only a man . I'm more embarrassed that I'm suppose to be making things up to her and after a rough night I'm now greeting her with the universal signal of " I wanna fuck you ". She just deserves better then that .
I sit up .
" I'm sorry Adriana . I just -
" don't " she says simply and puts her finger to my lips and I immediately fall silent .
" you know for someone who used to never apologize I've already heard I'm sorry from you twice .You feeling okay ?" She jokes and I find myself not knowing how to respond . It's true that I've never been good at accountability. It's much easier to place the blame on my circumstances or others before actually uttering an apology . She knows me well but I want her to see that I've changed .
" the last thing you need after I ruined your night is to wake up next to a " I again find myself struggling with words . For some reason I can't bring myself to say the word " boner " in front of her . No matter how many years it's been I find myself sometimes still taking on the role of the adult who has to watch what they say in front of their younger sibling . My eyes gaze down to my t shirt she's still wearing that's riding high up her thighs as she stretches her legs out and I'm reminded that this is no younger sibling . She's an adult . A woman . A sexy woman .
"A hard on ? Really Jared ? You can't spit that out " she laughs and continues to stretch and the t shirt rises even higher . My eyes becomes fixated on the cotton black lace trim panties that are peaking through from between her legs . I notice her noticing where my eyes have went and she makes no effort to pull her shirt down , Is she doing this on purpose ?
" what are you looking at Jared ?" She says in a playful manner and it takes me a second to realize she's actually opening her legs a little wider and Giving me a better look . I found myself again speechless and pretty sure I might be salivating at this point . I lick my lips unconsciously and look back up to her face hoping it can help me focus on a response . The look on her face doesn't help at all as I'm hit with the reminder of how drop dead gorgeous she is . Her blue eyes are staring back at me . I can't tell if I'm in reality or in a fantasy at this point because it feels as if her eyes are begging me to fuck her . I don't respond and I don't think . I just lean in and take her perfect lips into my mouth and moan into the kiss as soon as her lips hit mine .
She begins to kiss me back and pulls me on top of her . A sudden sense of urgency comes over me and I feel as if I'm not inside her in the next minute I'll lose my mind . I reach my hand down between us to run between her legs and get her ready for me . To my surprise my fingers feel a damp fabric on her panties signaling she's already ready to go . I don't take a second to think before I'm pulling my dick out my boxers and aiming it at her entrance after pulling aside her panties . I pull away from the kiss to watch her expression and make sure it's okay we're moving this fast . She nods rapidly and I'm inside her . A flood of emotions hit me . A flood of Memories come back . Our first time making love . Our last time .All the times in between where we snuck around from our friends and family just to be with each other .  The way she feels better then anything I ever felt in my life . The way when I'm inside her I feel like I could be with her forever . The way I feel she makes my life worthwhile.
"Jared . Oh my god . Jared . You feel so good . Please don't stop " she says breathlessly. Her voice does something to me . Now I have had a lot of sex in my lifetime . A lot of sex with a lot of different women . A lot of these women way out of the average man's league . Because of this experience I tend to pride myself with how long I last . I know exactly how to control my orgasm to ensure the woman I'm with has me long enough to actually feel pleasure and orgasm herself . This is something I'm very proud of but in this moment here with Adriana  I seem to be losing myself , the sound of her voice pleading for me to not drop is already taking me over the edge . A thought crosses my mind briefly that I should just go ahead and come inside her .maybe if I'm lucky she would get pregnant . She would quit her job and becomes my wife and mother of my child . We'd buy a house with a wrap around porch .I could bring them, my family ,on tour with me . We could be happy .
But I don't deserve that .
I pull out abruptly.
" Adriana I'm sorry . I can't do this ." I can barely look into her eyes . My words leave me again with the look of hurt on her face . I hate myself for stopping but feel I'd hate myself even more if I kept going .
" Jared . You can't be serious . What happened ? Is it me ? " she says and I can hear the tremor in her voice . She's holding back from crying .
I'm such an asshole . All I ever do is hurt her when all I want to do is love her ,
What the fuck is wrong with me ,