Can't be selfish to keep you waiting (I Can't)

Chapter 18

Hey guys! I don't want my big mouth to start giving you spoilers right at the start of the chapter so I would skip with the talking right now and let you enjoy the next scene in their lives.
Happy cupidly reading, sugar!!

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Chloe
It was the last day we had at the beach house before we made our way back to Chicago and resumed our lives back.
This year me, Jake and Alley will be starting our freshman year at high school, and Adam, Lucy, and Liam will be starting their freshman year in their dream college.
I am nervous to go back home because as much as I want to convince myself that things will be the same, everything is weighing down in my head, making me question that will they be okay…
Will we be close enough or lose touch eventually? Will they find better friends to hang out with…
All my doubts storming inside my head are related to that one person. I want to pretend that everything is cool, but I have all these questions I wish I had the courage to hear answers of.
I was lost in my own thoughts whenever I was alone. I know expectations hurts but I don’t know how to stop myself from expecting those smallest things from him.
This all is driving me mad. And the worst part is he is not even gone yet… don’t know what will happen when he will be miles away….busy with his college life.
I couldn’t sleep at night because of all the thoughts swirling in my head, so I decided to get up early and watch the night sky fade into dusk.
There is something really tranquilizing about watching the starry night sky.
Those balls of energy, light years away, appears so close yet are so far away, they resemble us in so many ways and are so different at the same time, drawing you closer to them and yet giving a clarity of life.
I like reading about different stars, galaxies, and constellations, and trying to spot them in the sky.
I spotted the Orion belt constellation after staring at the sky for a few minutes.
There was a hush voice in the background, which made me turn to the source of that sound, only to find them making their way towards me.
The dark silhouette of the person seemed familiar, and I calmly waited for the moonlight glow to hit his face and reveal their feature.
I couldn’t help the smile that slipped on my lips, examining his smooth features in the nightlight.
He was achingly beautiful, the way his lips formed into a full smile, just a little hint of his dimples teasing you, making you want to see more of them, the way his eyes crinkled at the end because of the full stretch of his lips and the way their was a light blush spread across his cheeks.
He looked flustered, and for some reason, that look was way more sexier on him. The glow of stars hitting his face at just the perfect angle, making everything all the more dreamy.
I wish I could capture this moment in a camera, but the beauty of the night effects and the features of his face will be lost by the technology.
Eyes are the best lens that can capture light at all focal lengths. They could capture moments in them that not even the best camera could even be from the best angle. It’s hard to capture everything from technology because you’ll certainly miss out the other things in the frame, but you can always look at them through your eyes, capture the details of that moment and store everything in your brain.
So I did just that. I let my eyes take in every detail of him and the surroundings so that I could relive this moment whenever I wanted.
But that didn’t mean I didn’t click his photo on my phone because I was greedy to want his face in my gallery where I could see him whenever I wanted.
I heard a muffled laughter, a laugh that I was so addicted to hearing, a sound that always felt so familiar and warm, a music to my ear, that always made me smile in response.
“What?” I questioned him , narrowing my eyes at the figure hunched over at a couple of feet distance from me,  laughing silently.
“ You wouldn’t make a good stalker if you just go around clicking pictures of a person right in front of them and then behave as if you didn’t just do anything. You surprise me every time, girly.” He said while settling beside me and resting his arm on my shoulder.
I tilted my head so that I could see him better and looked at the sparkle in his eyes. I could just get lost in those mesmerizing blue orbs.
“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked me with concern.
I shrugged. “ Too many thoughts.” I whispered. Don’t know why I was whispering, but it was like I don’t want anyone else to hear our conversation and keep it a secret between me and Liam, from those stars, ocean air, and water.
“ What about?” He whispered. His voice hitting in an intimate, sensual way.
“ About the future, the uncertainties and all. I don’t even know why those thoughts are slipping in my mind again and again.”
Liam lifted his left hand to my face and ran his knuckles softly on my cheek. I melted in his embrace as he continued caressing my cheeks.
I could feel the tears starting to build, and I shut my eyes , forcefully trying to keep my tears from escaping my eyes.
The simplest gesture from him is sending me into the turmoil of emotion. That simple caress is making me crave more of him.
I just want him to hold me, hide me from the anxiety, and protect me from the window of uncertainties.
“ Hey. It’s okay, girly. I’ll always be there for you, just a call away. Call me whenever and I’ll be there, sweetheart.” He whispered in my ear. I shrank deeper in his arms, which gave me security and comfort, and tried to regulate my breathing before I ended up bawling my eyes out.
But this is Liam we are talking about who can read my actions better than anyone (even my mom), so just like the smartass he is, he pulled away from me to make me look in his eyes, something which is always harder for me to do when I am trying to hide my emotions.
“Hey. Look at me, baby.” He whispered to me. We were so effing close that I could feel his warm breath on my face, and his lips were just a few inches apart. I wish I had the courage to move the distance to meet his alluring lips, but I just chickened out and pushed him away a little, maintaining a distance with him.
He has a small frown on his face, and his eyes reflect a little hurt along with some complicated emotions, which was there only for a second before his eyes were back to smiling.
He was trying to shield his emotions from me so that I won’t be able to read them, but sadly, I just saw everything in his eyes.
I stared at the horizon as I started talking to him about every damn thing I was feeling in this moment.
“Boey, I love you.” I whispered in the salty beach air as the dark night sky was slowly fading into the dusk.
He grabbed my hand in his hands and looked at me with so much sincerity,my  heart ached for the both of us, who would be parted from each other at the end of the day.
“I love you too, my girly girl.” He whispered just like me as if it was a secret between us that we don’t want anyone else to hear.
“I am nervous to go back to Chicago and to start my freshman year in school.”
“Hey. It won’t be that bad. You won’t have to fight Adam to watch TV, you won’t have to worry about girls befriending you to hook up with your brother or any of us. The next four years will be your year of school life just the way you wanted them.”
“ But I wouldn’t have you there with me every day. I won’t get to see you as much as I used to, and it… just scares me.” I whispered in a barely audible voice, but the silence surrounding us made it sound louder than normal.
“ It’s gonna be a lot tougher for me too, to be away from family, friends and especially you, my girly girl. I won’t get to hold my favorite girl in my arms for a long time, and it sucks, but we can always see each other at holidays and make the most of it.”
“ Obviously that we’ll do, boey. But that’s not the point. The thing is… I don’t know how to make you understand” I said in a defeated tone when I couldn’t find words to explain my feelings.
I felt like I was losing it and was so annoyed that I wanted to pull at my hair in frustration.
“I know it will take a lot of getting used to, to go from spending the whole day together to having just a few calls with each other, from living just a house away to being hundreds of miles away, but baby we’ll find a way to always be there for each other whenever we need them…”
He continued after a shaky breath. “ There may be times when we couldn’t respond to each other right away because of our schedules, but it will never be because we are tired of each other. I’ll always be loyal to you sweetheart… You are the only one for me, and I may be a player as you may think, but you were still my first kiss, and you mean the world to me.”
“I want to be your protector and protect you from every person who can hurt you.. even myself. I promise you, Chloe Evans, that I’ll never let you down, and I won’t let anyone come in between us. I don’t know what it is… but it’s not situationship…. It’s a pure feeling… a soul connection… it goes deeper than friendship and not as casual as a relationship, so I just wanted to ask you something….”
He looked shaken, and before I knew it, he was standing tall in front of me as he picked me up from my sitting position and looked affectionately and nervously in my eyes.
“Will you be my girly girl? Just you and me… no titles… no insecurities of future… no lies…. No uncomfortable silence… no suspicions… no hiding anything…. Just the way we always have been… Understanding … loving… supporting …. Caring…”
“ I don’t want us to end up like Ellie and Noah in a messy long distance… I don’t want to fight with my favourite person ever and lose them. I may be a coward who doesn’t want to risk spoiling something so perfect, but I’ll never break any promise I made to you, girly. I just want you to trust me.”
I listened to him silently as the things he said started making some sense in my brain.
“This emotional wreckage is what I don’t want for us, baby, where we become so dependent on each other that we lose all our liveliness just by  the thought of not being near each other. We have to stand strong and support each other rather than break apart…”
He said with moisture in his eyes.
“ Will you be my boey boy ?” I asked him, suddenly making him look at me in surprise. Well, I was just as surprised at the words that I just spoke to him.
“ I understand what you are saying, boey. And we need to set some ground rules about giving all this try, but no way in hell I am ready to lose you… Also, girlfriend- boyfriend is overrated..  let’s be girly girl and boey boy… soul to soul… what say?” I asked him suddenly, nervous about what I just said to him.
“ Hell yeah!” He said, beaming at me as he lifted me in his arms and spun me around while hugging me tightly.
I giggled, carefree of all the worries I was having in my lil head, and decided to enjoy the time we have together.
In that moment, I decided to stop overthinking about things that were not in our hands.
Thinking about the future will only lead to unwanted expectations and hopes…the primary cause of unhappiness.
So I will live in the present and let go of the what ifs that never truly existed.
I will be strong and cherish all the memories and trust my fate to give me what I deserve…

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Hey guys… I know this chapter is a little heart-breaking because this is the second last chapter before Liam leaves for his destination.
This chapter made my heart ache while I wrote it. I realized that the worst thing to ever happen is not the zero possibility of being with each other but having that person’s love and then losing it to go back to being platonic.
Love is not easy, but it’s worth fighting for if the person is right for you. So let’s see if they were right for each other and if they survive this test of distance.

Thank you so much, guys, for your support!! Love you all, my amazing readers💕
Thank you, my alpha and beta readers, for your support. Love you guys💕

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I'll update the next chapter soon.
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