Not Quite the Opposites (camren)

20 - Truths And Unclaimed Chances

It's funny how I never imagined that typical Sunday morning would be the day my thirst for knowledge would be quenched. Never in my wildest dreams did I fathom I would react the way I did. I thought I had heard it all. But then again, it was Camila Cabello and everything is fascinating with her.

I may have just walked out on a critical aspect of Camila's history.

I disappeared into her room but she wasn't with me considering I was about to answer my phone. I did what she had told me not to do and the closer I got, the more I felt cold inside. I left my friend furiously and nervously pacing around the wooden pool deck and I felt like a monster within another monster; ruthlessly being devoured by own my guilt.

However, my mind was nagging me to get the phone call over with. I would not be able to concentrate on Camila's words if I did not pour my heart out first. I wanted to comprehend everything, especially after learning of her story. It may sound selfish but I needed to defeat my own demons before I made myself available to her.

I had convinced myself it was necessary.

I inhaled as much air as I could; salvaging what was left of my composure. I stood by the glass sliding door, pressing my side on the surface while I held my phone against my ear. Calm or not, I leapt to the unknown as I tightly closed my lids.

"Hey." I passively mumbled with my other hand brushing through my long mane.

The simple stroke had given me a familiarity of the ordinary, something I used as a phony reassurance that everything was normal and there was no need to panic. It may have been too late considering my nerves were off the charts; soaring high among the satellites in space.

"Hi babe!" Gavin greeted merrily but was soon catching on to my mood."Why do you sound so sad?"

"I-I can't...do this anymore." Stammering, I reluctantly retorted in a quivering voice.

I shook my head furiously as my eyes began to sting. I was practically denying the advent of the salty droplets that indicated remorse. My airways seemed to have been hindered with the giant lump in my throat.

I may have made Camila feel like I chose Gavin over her. But I urgently had to free myself from the mediocre relationship I shared with him. I wanted to break up with him and it just could not wait anymore. The pressure that was housed inside my being was relentlessly pushing outwards, I was beginning to feel nauseated.

Gavin's cheerful greeting was ruthlessly gut-wrenching despite its pure intentions. It was undeniably challenging to break off a relationship despite my discontent. There was a certainty that I would be causing agony to another person; a dreadful repercussion that was not in my objectives.

My soon to be ex had sought to please me in my most immature of needs which was rather effortless in the beginning of the relationship. However, the months that flew by were cruel to us. He was slowly too invested in pleasing his primal needs to the point that we'd have to argue about it. I completely understood his need to physically be together. But the moment I felt the hesitation to go back to California because of somebody else, I knew my heart was not in it anymore.

Panic had overwhelmed Gavin to the point that he stuttered into saying, "What? What do you mean?"

It took a lot of me to focus on my own feelings and somehow ignore his. I wouldn't have pushed through with breaking up with him if I had an image of him completely broken because of me. I had to sound sure of my decision but not too eager.

I blinked incessantly as I drew air in and breathed out through my gaped mouth. My nose had proven to be inadequate especially with the feeling of drowning inundating it.