Not Quite the Opposites (camren)

23 - The Brave

Stephen Schwartz once wrote: "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason; bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and help them in return."

To me, Camila brought a multitude of facets to the person I am that I have not even met previously. For starters, I thought I would remain a loyal friend and yet I am constantly proven wrong every single time I see the younger brunette. I was never one to slack off, but I didn't care about my school as much as I used to. I had exams to study for and yet I spent my free time, aimlessly thinking of the "what ifs" that will remain unanswered. I was certain I would either get a pitiful "C" or a heartless "F" but that never seemed to faze me.

And it was liberating.

I could not eradicate the feeling Camila gave me when we kissed. She left me breathless and barely breathing yet thriving through the unforgiving reality of the living. It may have given me a breath of life while killing me at the same time. Oh, the irony.

Everything went downhill since then. Camila showed me bravery. She showed me trust. She showed me love. Recently, she showed me forgiveness but it wasn't for me. I would often find Camila walking with Jette. The blonde would constantly come to school with the younger girl and her presumably other car; a blue Subaru Legacy. I guess she was keen on getting rid of remnants of me. Needless to say, the pain was as sharp as a Samurai sword.

The blonde had been smiling more while I was frowning and slowly burying myself deeper in my guilt and melancholy. It was the absolute worst to see them together. That was probably the dullest knife that ever grazed my heart; with which you have to repeatedly strike or forcefully push down to even make the slightest incision.

However, Camila acted too casually around me since then; almost as if we were strangers. She even sat next to me in homeroom every single day since Tuesday but we never spoke. She was there, but she was different. I never apologized to her and maybe I should have. I know I should have.

I had to endure another week of torture leading up to the last week until winter break which meant I will not see Camila at all for at least two weeks. I was not particularly looking forward to Christmas or the holidays in general but I had to force myself to sound cheerful when my mother called to tell me about my flight arrangements; Wednesday the following week. It was lunch time and I decided to go to the library instead of seeing another incomplete Queen Camila's rectangular table.

"Are you excited?" Clara happily asked that I could see her smiling widely in my head. I, at least, loved knowing that my presence would make my mother happy.

She was giddy at the thought of the family being reunited and I felt remorseful that I did not really share the same sentiments as my mother. I love my family but I can't really be happy while I'm nursing a broken heart.

"Of course, mom." I willed myself to sound as enthusiastic. "I miss you guys."

My mother laughed softly which she concluded with a sigh. "We miss you, too, nugget. It's only three more days until you're here."

"I know! I can't wait."

Liar! I chastised myself. I could actually wait. I wanted to talk to Camila before I leave and hopefully sort things out. I think another week of ear-piercing silence is enough; I hope it is.

Clara and I spoke a little longer, talking about absolutely anything under the sun. I told her about breaking up with Gavin. When she asked about Camila, my voice cracked and shook, and became the most unreliable thing ever. I guess my mother saw through me but never really asked which I'm grateful for.