The girl behind her smile

- 12 -

ELIZA

I decide to go to school the next day, for two main reasons.

One, I don't need mum figuring out I wasn't well, I don't need her worrying about us more than she takes care of herself. I know she wishes she could go back, sacrifice herself for my father. 

But that's the funny thing about time, you can't go back, you can only keep pushing forward, one endless second at a time. And then you realise all the possibilities that could have been won't ever be, and you spend all of today, now, wishing that something was different.

I know she looks fine on the outside but under those layers of makeup and fake smiles, her heart is still shattered. If it's repairing or continuing to disintegrate - I don't know. But I don't need her to be panicking and fussing over me when I am perfectly fine.

Totally, absolutely, one hundred percent fine.

Reason number two is really more of a personal ego battle, I had enough time to myself yesterday night to figure out that the only person who would do this to me was Jasper. And if I want to stick to my previous words of not giving into his games, and showing him that I was not scared, I would have to walk into school like that shit didn't phase me. It did, but only slightly.

I am fine.

Totally, absolutely, one hundred percent fine.

There was also the fact that I could not afford to be behind on school work, A-levels was hard already, knowing the content. Having to catch up and teach myself would probably kill me.

To be honest, it would do the job.

Ezra became slightly more overbearing, he said he'd be watching me from every corner, which was bullshit obviously, but it didn't stop me from being annoyed at him. He was upset I didn't mention any earlier occurrences of headaches, I wanted to mention the big lie he was also keeping from me. I wanted to call him a huge hypocrite, but I didn't because I knew it came from his concern for me. So I kept silent.

I drum my fingers against the table, my earphones blocking out the noise around me as I work on the sheet in front of me. I wasn't really listening to anything, but it stopped people from coming to talk to me. I was skeptical, of everyone really. Not Riya, Zayn and Ezra for obvious reasons, but everyone else. And even if I did know that Jasper was the only one I should be wary off, I couldn't help but slightly tremble every time someone came to ask to me. Were they sincere? Did they want to hurt me too?

"You're not really listening to music, are you?" 

I glance up, and immediately my heart starts hammering, "Doesn't concern you."

"You know, you're so full of shit." He moves to the opposite side of the table, and slouches against the chair. Talk about de ja vu.

I raise an eyebrow at him, not really understanding what was going on.

"I mean, you tell me you're not scared of me, but everything you do tells me other wise."

"I am not  scared of you Hastings, you're way in over your head." I reply, my voice low.

"You've been shaking your leg the moment you started talking to me." One side of his lip lifts into a smirk as I immediately I stop, "You might want to unclench your fist aswell." 

"What do you want?" I ask, letting venom seep into my voice.

"You know, I felt bad for you when I saw you at that match," He picks up my pencil, and twirls it around his finger, "I thought you watching your brother get crushed was too much, considering how Zayn had to basically drag you out."