The Roommate's Desires

Chapter 20

TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH, GRIEF 

It had been a week since Ally died, and I was still trying to accept it. My heart ached every second that I had to live without her, and it had already been over 604800 seconds.

Today was her funeral; the last time I was ever going to see her. As I was putting on my white dress shirt, I heard a familiar, piercing cry. I ran into the bedroom and picked Baby T up from his crib. As soon as he was in my arms, he stopped crying, "You're so spoiled son," I cooed as I gently rocked him back and forth. He looked so much like his mother that it seemed as if she made him herself.

It was weird learning how to take care of a baby by myself, but I was slowly getting used to it. Jasmine was released from the hospital after three days, but she decided to stay there until they forced her to go home; she wanted to stay with Adrienne although we couldn't touch her yet. Right now, it was just me and my son until Adrienne was released. Then Jasmine and her would stay with us until she found her own place, which we discussed a few days earlier.

I wish your mother was here," I mumbled, kissing T on the forehead. I inhaled his sweet scent that reminded me of her, "Today we're going to see her, but you won't remember her face when you're older."

After changing his diaper, I put him in a black suit.

Ally would have loved this, I thought.

I remembered when we were in the store and picked the suit out for him. It was supposed to be for his christening, but unfortunately, it was going to be for his own mother's funeral. I put on the rest of my suit and strapped T in his car seat, covering it with a blanket. Then, I carried him downstairs to the car. After securing him in the car, I got in and sent Tyrone a text. Hey, you ready to go?

My phone vibrated immediately. Yeah, come pick me up.

Be there in a minute, I replied, putting my phone on the car charger. I was quick but careful as I head to Ty's place. I honked twice, so he knew that I was outside. After a few minutes, he came out wearing a white dress shirt and black slacks. He was silent as he got into the passenger's seat. I sighed heavily, "Are you ready for this?"

He turned to me, "Yeah, the real question is...are you ready for this, brotha?" he worried.

"Yeah," I mumbled. Honestly, I had been dreading this day all week. I already said my goodbyes to Ally, and now I had to do it again; it felt like putting a Band-Aid over a wound and ripping it off. I wasn't okay, but I needed to put on a brave face for her family and our friends.

As we drove to the church, I saw the graveyard where we would be laying her to rest. I imagined watching her casket lowering into the ground, her body cold and alone as she rotted away. A lump suddenly formed in my throat, and there was this terrible pain in my chest. I begin panting; it felt like I couldn't breathe. It also felt like someone had thrown my body in an oven and turned it all the way up.

"Dre! Dre! Pull over now!" Ty screamed, but his voice was barely audible over the ringing in my ears. What was going on? Why did it feel like my heart was going to explode?

Ty grabbed the wheel and took control of the truck, pulling us over to the side of the road. I jumped out of the car and clutched my chest as I fell to the ground. "I can't breathe! Somebody help me!" I cried out.

Ty quickly got out and started rubbing my back, "Brotha, just breathe. You're having a panic attack," he explained in a calming tone.

Tears ran down my cheeks, "I can't do this Ty. I can't live without her," I sobbed, wrapping my arms around him.

"I know brotha, but we have your back. You can get through this...both Adrienne and Terrance need you."

I took several deep breaths until my heart was no longer beating out of my chest. Then I stood up and brushed the gravel from my dress pants. "Thanks Ty, I needed that," I mumbled. I opened the back door and lifted up the blanket to check on T; he was sleeping peacefully.