Hysteria|Wenclair

Woeful delusions

Enid's POV:

I can't remember being this angry since what happened last semester. I thought that Ajax and I had something, had anything. I thought that what happened had only brought us closer together. Instead it drove us apart, and I still have no idea why.

I shouldn't be mad at him, I should be mad at whatever caused him to leave. He says that he fell for another girl but I don't believe that. I know I sound incredibly delusional right now but if Ajax had really just 'fell for another girl' he would have a much harder time coming to terms with it. Something is up, and he's lying to me about it. I should know, I've known him since sixth grade.

I hate liars. I hate it when people lie. This world is already meaningless as it is, why do people like him have to make it worse. Hiding something is a different story, however. If what he's hiding is applaudable enough that I start to emphasise with him, I might just let him live. Wow, I sound just like Wednesday...

This still feels so weird to me. Why do I want to see him hurt so badly? At least he didn't cheat, and his loyalty to this 'girl' is truly admirable. Should I even go though with this? I don't even really like him anymore, I started to lose feelings a week before I came to Nevermore, though something about him breaking up with me makes me feel so humiliated. How dare he! I'm practically the best thing to have happened to him. He really has the audacity to break up with me?

As soon as I get real answers I'm going to swear off relationships overall. Men are too much work for me. I only ever really date them so that I can grip on to a sense of sanity. Sure I did really like Ajax, but I probably wouldn't have tried so hard with him if he weren't attractive. All boys are the same if I'm being honest. They see me and think that I'm so 'different' and 'quirky' and that we 'have this connection' and to be frank it's getting boring. Girls are so much better.

Life would be so much easier if I were a boy. At least then I'd be able to date some of the stunning girls at this school. Girls are so much more interesting, they have much better personalities and they're so much easier to talk to. Even Wednesday is easier to talk to than the men I've met. This might sound weird but sometimes I wish I were Tyler. Him and Wednesday really had something, you know? Most people might think that Wednesday only spoke to him to break his father, to get free coffee, etc. But she really liked him, like actually liked him.

I want Wednesday to like me. I want to be allowed to like Wednesday. Life would be so much easier if I could spend it with her. She's so... Wednesday. She's smart and pretty and thoughtful, she has an actual personality. She's so generous and talented, she's incredibly funny, she cares about me. She actually cares about me and I care about her too. I want to spend the rest of this dead-end life holding her and kissing her and caring for her until I drive myself to an early grave. Wednesday makes me want to live. I'd do anything for her. Too bad I'm not a Tyler.

Unless I become a Tyler I guess I can make do with being her best friend. I'd sell my kidney to become more than that but I know I can't. I know life would never be that kind to me, it never has been. For now, Ajax needs answers and so do I.

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"TELL ME YOU SELF-ABSORBED DICK! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BREAK UP WITH ME‽"

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU EVERYTHING! I SWEAR! ENID PLEASE JUST LET ME GO, YOU'RE SCARING ME!"

I'm currently pinning him up to a tree with my hands, my claws more elongated than anyone has seen them. My fangs threatening to cut the fear Ajax is radiating right now. This wasn't supposed to get so violent, but I quickly got sick of his half-assed lies. The same old 'People change, Enid!' or that stupid 'Just leave it alone, okay?' I've never been one to pry but in my defence I've given Ajax my answers, why shouldn't he give me mine?