Wanting You

5

FML. 

Not watching basketball has really bit me in the ass this time.

This time my head isn't pounding from a hangover. It's pounding from stress and anxiety. It's 12 pm and I haven't left my bed yet. I don't want to face anyone after that atrocious night. How could I have not put two and two together. I should have known when I walked into the kitchen that it was not a good time to be there. I have now made a mental note in my head to always ask men for their first AND last name.

We can not have this happen again.

I shove my face further into my pillow and groan. I really can't believe I didn't put it together. I literally saw him at that one party his brother and Michael walked into. I guess I just blocked it from my memory because clearly I don't remember him. God, the boys are going to have a fucking field day with this one.

I am never living this down.

I also can't help feeling like absolute shit. I enjoyed talking to him and being able to have someone outside of the friend group. I love all my friends but sometimes it can become a lot. Everyone has a different guy they depend on and while I can depend on all of them I don't have that one person who I have deeper feelings for. Carter has Asher, Rae has Robbie, Lacey has Braden, and lets be honest her Julie has Trey. I really don't have anyone that is an escape. I thought that maybe Jacob could have done that even after only a week of knowing but I guess that just went to shit.

It's also hard because I know everyone hates him. I know he is Jordan's brother and I could never do that to everyone. Jordan separated Braden's shoulder and has done shitty things to Asher and the rest of the boys. Maybe thats the only reason why Jacob was even nice to me in first place. I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

This sucks.

I hear a knock on my door and I sit up. Julie peaks her head into the door and gives me a small smile, "Just making sure you are alive."

"Yup alive and wallowing in my shame," I say falling back onto my pillows. Julie lets out a laugh as she walks into my room. She shuts the door behind her and sits on the edge of my bed.

"You didn't know," Julie says. Her eyes widen, "Did you know?"

"Oh my God, of course not!" I yell. I push myself back up and lean against my headboard.

"Hey, I was just checking," she says with a frown. I sigh running my hands through my hair. Carter knew. That's what she had to talk to me about.

"Remember how I said Carter wanted to talk to me about something I think she knew," I sigh. Julie nods her head remembering the conversation we had in the kitchen yesterday.

"Well the boys are here. I assume they will want to talk to you. This could honestly either go really bad or really well," Julie says. My eyes widen. Braden's going to kill me. He's going to throw me off the balcony and disown me from the group. Braden when he is pissed off is geuinely scary. I honestly don't know how Lacey deals with the temper on that kid. Well, he is kind of an asshole to everyone but her. And us.

"I'm fucked."

Julie offers me a comforting smile shaking her head, "Braden is more mad about Jacob being in the house. He knows you didn't know. Plus we have Carter to vouch for you."

I nod my head in agreement. Asher is going to freak when he finds out. He has enough money now to hire a hitman. I am probably first on his list and then Jacob. I kind of believe the fact that maybe he isn't as awful as everyone thinks he is. Yes he is Jordan's brother but just because he is his brother doesn't mean they are the same.

He doesn't give off the same douchebag vibes that Jordan gives off. But I do understand how much hell Jordan Kappalac has put majority of the guys through. Like trying to fuck with Ashers career and then helping Michael Burke separate Braden's shoulder. Also all the gross shit Jordan has said about and to Carter. It's kind of hard to look past everything and see that maybe his brothe could be different. I just wish that they would maybe give him a chance or hear him out.

Hell, I don't even know what actually happened. I am curious as hell to hear his side of things from last year and why he even came here in the first place.

"Carter should have told me when we left," I groan, falling back against my bed. I should just hide here until they drag me out of my bed. I hear my bedroom door open up again and I don't bother lifting my head back up.

"Tori, you've been requested," I hear Lacey say. I groan loudly rolling off of the side of my bed. I guess I just need to rip the bandaid off now. It probably won't be as bad as I expecting.

"Fuck this and your boyfriend," I mumble standing up from my bed. Julie releases an awkward laugh while Lacey frowns.

"Relax. He isn't mad at you," she says. I know she knows that I am more annoyed with the fact that I just didn't put the pieces together. Julie, Lacey, and I head out of my room and into the living room. Jeremy and Braden are talking to Sanders, Rae, and Carter. Carter and Rae look bored out of their minds while Sanders, Braden, and Jeremy just bickering with each other.

"Why did you even invite him in the first place?" Jeremy sighs looking at Sanders. Sanders gives him a "seriously" look.

"Dude, we are in college not for someone's eighth birthday party. He's our teammate," Sanders reasons. I sit beside Julie on the couch while Lacey heads over to Braden. She sits beside him in the arm chair and he absentmindedly places an arm around her shoulder. Braden looks more calm than I was expecting.

"How'd he even get into the house?" Jeremy asks.

"The fucking freshman we put on door. I knew we should have picked a different dude," Braden grumbles. Lacey glances over at me with wide eyes. This conversation is already off to an amazing start.

"Have you even tried giving him a chance?" Rae asks surprising everyone. Carter slightly nods her head in agreement while Jeremy and Braden shoot the two of them a glare.

"Relax, she was just saying," Lacey defends Rae.

"I'm sorry but are we all forgetting that his brother separated my shoulder and almost intentionally ended my basketball career. Are we forgetting about this?" Braden says in a sarcastic tone. Carter and Rae exchange a look with a sigh. I am keeping my mouth shut about this because Braden is already pissed at me as it is. I do not need to be defending Jacob right now.

"Jordan did it. Not Jacob," Carter says. Braden leans further off of his chair almost knocking Lacey from his lap.

"Jacob and Jordan are brothers point blank period. I don't give a fuck who did it, guilty by association," Braden says.

"I hate to agree with Braden here but he has made no effort to defend himself," Jeremy states. Braden makes a 'ha' sound as Jeremy turns and glares at him, "That doesn't mean I am agreeing with you being a dick."

Braden rolls his eyes leaning back in the chair, "No I think you are."

"I'm really not. We are captains this year and we can't risk this all because you don't like him," Jeremy says. Braden releases a breath but doesn't respond. He turns and looks at Carter.

"Why don't we call Asher and see what he has to say about all this?" Braden suggests. I roll my eyes because Braden knows that Asher will most likely take his side.

"No there's literally no reason and he wouldn't agree with you anyways," Carter says in a defensive tone.

"Well, I didn't know and I solemnly swear to stay away from him," I say, holding my hand up. A part of me just wants to keep talking to Jacob but the better part of me knows I shouldn't cross the lines with my friends. My loyalty is with them at the end of the day and I've only known Jacob a week.

A part of me just wants to talk to him to piss Braden off. You know that feeling when your parents tell you not to do something but you do it anyways. That's how I am feeling right now.

Honestly, that small part of me might be winning this battle.